The saying goes that there has only ever been one perfect person and he died on a cross. Or something like that. Despite what you may have heard, or what you may perceive, I am certainly not perfect. Yes... get over your shock and dismay. Perfectly fat maybe. But in no other way am I flawless. These shortcomings makes me vulnerable to temptations. And when Johnny goes down, he goes down hard.
You can read between the lines and guess that I have had my first run in with the devil since surgery.
FINAL SCORE:
Devil -6, Johnny -4.
Yep, as hard as I tried, I got caught up in a moment and succumbed to a few old nasty habits. Liquid diet, no drinking, no golfing, no Fritos... Hell, something had to give! Let me set the scene for you. I'm up early on a rainy Memorial day. Because I got up at the crack of dawn, I decided to go back to bed and read a book after downing my morning protein shake. The weather was ominous at best so it was looking like it might be a hang around the house day.Then my nearby phone rings. It's a pal from the club.
"You wanna go to the Hawks game tonight?" he stoically asks.
"Dude, the game is in Detroit. I'm not driving 6 hours one way, watch the Hawks possibly lose and then drive 6 hours back in the middle of the night. Sorry, not my idea of a good time."
"We're flying." he says.
"Bro, I'm just not for fighting the crowds at the airport. It will be a mess." I say back.
Then he adds.
"Oh yeah, Jimmy says he'll fly us on his jet."
Now the question. What would Johnny do? All the hard work so far, over 6 hard weeks of restrictive diets and no boozing or partying. Surly our hero won't let us down?
"I'M IN!"
There's your answer. Lap Band or not, I wasn't missing this.
There's your answer. Lap Band or not, I wasn't missing this.
My affirmative declaration set the stage for the first set of hurdles that I would face in the new Johnny era. I knew when I said yes to this impromptu adventure that I would be looking my old, undisciplined self square in the kisser. I knew all the "bad" things would be tempting the new me. After all, this is MANtopia! Jets, drinking, eating and sports. We are all too old and too married to included "babes". Other than that, it's just like a high school road trip.
It didn't take long for vice number 1 to show up. Remember my old friend Al C. Hall? (That's alcohol for you new readers). We had just taken our seats on the plane when the beers started getting passed out to all the boys. I was tempted. But carbonated drinks and alcohol are on the "no fly" list for me. Plus, I didn't want to spew said beverage and my morning shake all over this guy's jet. I'm pretty sure that would get me univited next time. So I passed and took a bottled water. Johnny 1, Devil 0! Good start.
Then came the snacks. Of course, one of my fellow passengers brought a plethora of salty treats that included a big bag of Fritos. Several of my "friends" follow this blog and thought the Fritos would be a fun way to torture me for the hour long flight. I had not eaten anything since the 7 am shake. It's now 1 pm and my stomach was growlin' for sure. But I did not indulge. Johnny 2, Devil 0. So far, this has been easy. But stay tuned.
We landed in the Motor City and loaded in to a van. About a half hour later, we were deposited at a popular sports bar across from Tiger stadium while a game was in progress. Our crew pushed it's way through the crowd and bellied up to the bar. It was about 2:30 now. I knew we had a dinner reservation at 5 very close by which gave us plenty of time to lube up. Then I was asked, "whatta ya have." I capitulated and ordered a Goose and soda. With a lime of course. Johnny 2, Devil 1. The first drink went down without issue so I just went with the flow. By the time we left, my opponent had surged into the lead. At 4:45 it was now Devil 3, Johnny 2. And there was still a lot of time left on the clock.
On we went to a famous Greek town restaurant where we continued the lubrication process. Before dinner even started the Devil increased his lead with a quick stop at the bar. I could see a downward spiral quickly developing. It was clear to me at this point that I was going to lose the game. My goal now was just to keep the score down.
It was now 5:30ish and all I had consumed for the day was a protein shake and a handful of vodkas. When we finally sat down, I immediately grabbed some crust off the warm bread and popped it in the ol' cake hole. I chew, chew, chewed and it went down without an issue soaking up the excess alcohol on the way down. I finished off dinner with a bit of sauteed squid, a Greek salad and some "smashie" sea bass. I look at it as a tie. Besides that bread crust, I made good choices and didn't over do it. We left for the game with the score Devil 5, Johnny 3.
Final score: Devil 6, Johnny 4.
A loss is a loss. I get it. But it certainly could have got much uglier. I think I did all right for my first misstep. Hopefully, I can keep that pesky Devil at bay. I've been warned that he may try and disguise himself in a Fritos costume next time.
So long for now! Check back soon!
Johnny T
It didn't take long for vice number 1 to show up. Remember my old friend Al C. Hall? (That's alcohol for you new readers). We had just taken our seats on the plane when the beers started getting passed out to all the boys. I was tempted. But carbonated drinks and alcohol are on the "no fly" list for me. Plus, I didn't want to spew said beverage and my morning shake all over this guy's jet. I'm pretty sure that would get me univited next time. So I passed and took a bottled water. Johnny 1, Devil 0! Good start.
Then came the snacks. Of course, one of my fellow passengers brought a plethora of salty treats that included a big bag of Fritos. Several of my "friends" follow this blog and thought the Fritos would be a fun way to torture me for the hour long flight. I had not eaten anything since the 7 am shake. It's now 1 pm and my stomach was growlin' for sure. But I did not indulge. Johnny 2, Devil 0. So far, this has been easy. But stay tuned.
We landed in the Motor City and loaded in to a van. About a half hour later, we were deposited at a popular sports bar across from Tiger stadium while a game was in progress. Our crew pushed it's way through the crowd and bellied up to the bar. It was about 2:30 now. I knew we had a dinner reservation at 5 very close by which gave us plenty of time to lube up. Then I was asked, "whatta ya have." I capitulated and ordered a Goose and soda. With a lime of course. Johnny 2, Devil 1. The first drink went down without issue so I just went with the flow. By the time we left, my opponent had surged into the lead. At 4:45 it was now Devil 3, Johnny 2. And there was still a lot of time left on the clock.
On we went to a famous Greek town restaurant where we continued the lubrication process. Before dinner even started the Devil increased his lead with a quick stop at the bar. I could see a downward spiral quickly developing. It was clear to me at this point that I was going to lose the game. My goal now was just to keep the score down.
It was now 5:30ish and all I had consumed for the day was a protein shake and a handful of vodkas. When we finally sat down, I immediately grabbed some crust off the warm bread and popped it in the ol' cake hole. I chew, chew, chewed and it went down without an issue soaking up the excess alcohol on the way down. I finished off dinner with a bit of sauteed squid, a Greek salad and some "smashie" sea bass. I look at it as a tie. Besides that bread crust, I made good choices and didn't over do it. We left for the game with the score Devil 5, Johnny 3.
It was my turn to buy, so I had one more at the the game. I was starting to get a little nauseous and burby, so I figured I better not press my luck. So I sent my old friend Al C. Hall on his way. After a great Hawks victory and despite several pleas from my fellow passengers for a McDonald's stop, I made it back to the plane without incident. Almost home. On the flight back I refused a glass of great Cabernet but did give in to a non recommended energy bar. But that was it. We landed and said our goodbyes and I headed home.
A loss is a loss. I get it. But it certainly could have got much uglier. I think I did all right for my first misstep. Hopefully, I can keep that pesky Devil at bay. I've been warned that he may try and disguise himself in a Fritos costume next time.
Johnny T
NOTE: As always, pardon the grammar and misspells. I am self-editing which is not my strong point.
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