BLOG UPDATE: We have surpassed 4000 views here on our little blog! Pretty good for only word of mouth advertising and a few Facebook posts. I am truly amazed by the amount of people that have any interest at all in some fat ass guy's weight loss project. We have readers from all over the world checking in regularly from Europe, Asia and the Far East. I now have almost as many readers in Japan as I do in France. Somebody must've got the word out to the SUMO community. All are welcome and we encourage you to spread the word that the fat fight starts here.
JOHNNY UPDATE: I went for my first post-op visit with Dr. X on Monday. Almost all the news was excellent. I say almost because I got caught speeding a little bit. No, not by a cop on the drive over. By the bubbly Ms. K, my nutritionist.
I showed up on time at the Center for FatAssiness a bit early for my appointment. I was thinking this was going to be an in and out thing and that I would only be there 20 minutes. Wrong. I was nestled in the fat ass chair in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. While patiently sitting and pretending to read a Healthy Eating magazine from 1997, I just had to sneak a peek at who was in the wait area today. I spied at least three candidates who were there for either the initial consultation or mandatory pre-op visits. This is not hard to figure out. These were three absolute "biggins". One tall & fat, one short & fat and one so fat, she was riding a Rascal with a custom made fat ass seat. I looked back at my magazine and thanked my lucky stars that I was on the low end of the fat-o-meter when I started this. I was snapped out of my daydream by the bubbly Ms. K who came for me and escorted me through extra wide doors. I noticed how wide those doors were before. But now I understood they were installed for fat ass motorized vehicles to pass through and not just a building code restriction.
Ms. K was her normal bubbly self and greeted my with a smile and a few kind pleasantries. We sat at nearby station, her at the desk, me in a wonderful fat ass chair. She took my temperature and BP and concluded both excellent. I then slipped out of my loafers and headed to the fat ass scale. Remember this scale from a previous post? It is a huge industrial type scale that for some reason doesn't read back your weight in pounds. Only kilos. I think I'm starting to get this too. Kilos are about half of what pounds are. This could prevent some patients from posting an embarrassing number or in my case prevent me from going in to shock when I saw the actual poundage. Being my first official weigh-in since surgery, I was looking for a good number. And I got it. Down 14 pounds since my last visit and 29.5 ugly pounds since day 1. I actually hit the weight listed on my driver's license that I lied about 5 years ago. Don't laugh. I know you all lie on your driver's license.
I was pluming like a peacock when Ms. K started reviewing my menu history since surgery. She had many questions about the last couple of weeks and wanted details. I tried to duck and dodge a bit, but it was no use. My little side trip to Detroit with the boys made its way into the conversation and that opened up a whole line of questioning I was not prepared to answer. Truthfully anyway.
"Wow, that sounds like quite a day. You didn't break the liquid restriction, did you?"
BUSTED. I'm caught doing 90 in a 40. Realizing that my health depends on this, I came pretty clean about the whole day. Yea, even the Grey Geese.
Me: "But that's the only alcohol I had, I swear!"
Her: "We told you alcohol is strictly prohibited in the 1st 6 weeks. It could cause you to throw up and pull those stitches out. Then you have to go back into surgery."
Me: "It was the Devil!".
Her: "Well, Devil or no Devil, you have to stick to the plan."
Me: "Sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it went down No Problemo!".
Her: "We have these rules for a reason. You have to stick to them or there could be trouble."
Me: "Ok. Ok. But I did real good on the eating part! I only had a protein shake, a salad, a little squid and some smashie sea bass the whole day!"
Seeing that Ms. K was all of a sudden not so bubbly, I left out the bread crust and the non recommended energy bar. I also didn't tell her that I've had about four other salads and a few broiled chicken breasts that weren't smashed up. She left the room with quite a grimace on her face.
At this point Dr. X entered the room. He examined my surgical holes and felt my port and then asked me a few questions about my diet. As if on cue, the not so bubbly Ms. K reenters the room. Busted again! Dr. X was quickly brought up to speed on my menu flaunting and alcohol use. He was not a happy camper.
Dr. X: "You're doing really well but you have to stay on the liquids and smashie food at least for a couple more weeks. The raw salad and squid or anything else that's not blended down could get stuck and make you regurgitate. And that could loosen the stitches which means back into surgery."
Me: "Would you believe the Devil made me do it?"
Dr. X: "You need to be careful and aware of everything you put into your mouth for the next couple weeks. We don't want any problems."
Me: "No we don't. I will follow the instructions explicitly for the next two weeks."
We made it past this bump in the road and scheduled my next appointment for my first "fill". Just over 2 weeks from today, we're gonna pinch that band up a bit. It's supposed to make me feel full and help me cut down on food cravings. That sounds great. But what about the Geese? I might need an exorcism for that one.
Check back soon!
JT
NOTE: As always, pardon the grammar and misspells. I am self-editing which is not my strong point.
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