It Ain't Easy

Friday, June 27, 2013

It's been 6 weeks since the insertion of the miracle flab fighter in my mid-section. My loyal readers know that the procedure and recuperation were a piece of cake ... oops, make that a sugar free pudding. The journey so far has been eventful and very successful. But it hasn't been easy.

I find myself a bit taken aback when I hear some high metabolism individual comment on how people that elect do to the Lap-Band are taking the "easy way out". I really started noticing it when the news of the rotund Governor Christie hit the media. Several TV talking heads decided he had the "easy way out" procedure to prepare a run for the White House. I have no idea whether Christie is running or not. Since he is a public figure, the media certainly has a right to comment on his political future.  But I draw the line when they call this surgery the "easy way out." I've actually heard others make similar comments as well and it irks the H-E double hockey sticks out of me. A major weight loss undertaking is anything BUT easy, regardless of which path you choose to achieve your goal. So phooey on anyone who doesn't grasp the commitment of the motivated chubster looking to change his or her life.

I had my first monthly check up with the venerable Dr. X this past Monday. He gave me a routine vitals check and then proceeded to give me my first "fill". I laid down and he expertly poked a syringe of 1.5cc's of saline through my skin and directly into the Lap Band port. It took about 2 seconds and the pain was minimal. No biggie. Before he left the room he told me that after the fill, some patients can't eat in the morning or can't get certain foods through the band. I had no issues at all. Fact is, he put 1.5cc's in my 10cc band.  I have noticed no additional restriction at all. As you all know, I pretty much haven't felt any restriction since the surgery. I got this far on my own.  And no, it wasn't easy.

The Lap Band is just a tool to help you lose weight. Like using a crutch for a broken leg. You don't always need the crutch, but your leg won't heal properly if you don't use it correctly. I just read a story of a Bandster that found a way to cheat his band and gained a large amount of weight. I heard of a lady that had the more invasive stomach surgery, lost a ton of weight, then had the painful skin tightening surgery and then gained almost all her weight back. There are numerous stories like these. Ya can't just get weight loss surgery and sit there and wait for something to happen. If you do, you will fail.

It took me years to get my head in the right place to attempt this.  That meant first getting it out of my over loaded backside long enough to see the light. I have to change the basic way I live my life. After 50+ years of self imposed bodily harm, that ain't easy. There are challenges and decisions to make almost every waking hour. Could I still start the day with a three egg ham 'n cheese omelet, hash browns well down, and a double order of bacon? Yup. Then go to lunch for a Portillo's chopped salad? No problem. Have a half bag of popcorn when I get home? Easy. Then have a full dinner and a touch of Ben & Jerry's? Yes and Yes! Could I still shove down most of a full size Tombstone pizza at the drop of hat? Probably. The Lap Band isn't stopping me. I'm stopping me.

I have made good progress since my adventure began. I will admit that just knowing the band is in me makes me think twice about anything that goes in the oral orifice located just beneath my nose. That's huge for me. The old me could eat or drink just about anything. I was the billy goat of fat asses. I made a decision to try and lose the weight of a small child. I knew it would be difficult. I knew it would be a challenge. I knew it it would take time. I also knew it wouldn't be easy.

More to come

jt

P.S. I got a cool new Fitbit scale that syncs with my Fitbit wristlet which syncs with the Fitbit app on my phone.  Every time I step on that scale my weight is recorded on my app. It also tracks every step I take. It also has options for exercise and a food diary. I'll get to those ... eventually.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Monday, June 24, 2013

Whew!  It was truly a whirlwind weekend. Since last Thursday morning, I've crammed in 4-1/2  rounds of golf, 2 parties, 1 dinner in the city and Game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. From a normal guy's perspective I would say this would be in the running for the ultimate weekend competition if there was such a thing.  From a fat ass dieter's eye view, this was a weekend full of challenges and temptations.  The Devil and his sinister sidekick Al C. Hall were lurking around every corner waiting to pull my into a downward spiral. But this morning I find myself sober, satiated and reinvigorated. But it was no cake walk!

The Good - My eating choices for this four day fun binge were spot on! I took my Muscle Milk Light to the club and drank it over ice for breakfast. Yep, I'm slowly drinking this fake chocolate milk while watching 50 other guys load up on pancakes, omelettes, a full assortment of breakfast meats, home fries, pastry and danish and all kinds of toasted breads.  Challenge, yes. But I beat the odds despite the wafting smell of crisp bacon. The lunches were more of the same.  A full spread of cheeseburgers, hot dogs, brats and sausages were laid out in several different places. And let's not forget the chips, cookies and other deserts. And there was a giant trailer with free draft beer. I was in fat ass paradise and couldn't enjoy the show.  I sparingly ate a chicken breast, a cup full of chicken salad and some watermelon slices.  During the golf, I ate a few melted protein bars to keep my stomach from growling. At the parties and dinner downtown, I slowly feasted on small bites of salmon and sashimi, a slice of turkey and a few small shrimp, while my fellow diners were scoffing down famous Chicago steaks perfectly pink on the inside and charred to perfection on the outside.

The Bad - I was expecting a cordial reunion with my old friend Al C. Hall. (That's alcohol for you new readers.) It didn't take long for old Al to show up to the party.  I decided it was time to have a nip during our first round of golf.  Since I was determined to stay away from beer, I had to use a little ingenuity at the half way house. Of course, I would stay away from all juices, sugary drinks and carbonated beverages. But if I started drinking straight vodka at 2 in the afternoon, I was guaranteed to be blotto by the back nine. So I invented a new cocktail. Vodka and Vitamin Water Orange. BRILLIANT! Vodka over ice and add the VW as needed. This helped me nurse the one drink while others were having several more. I was imbibing with my buddies but not falling all the way off the wagon.  I had a couple more at the opening dinner party but stopped early due to my ride home.  All in all, a good plan for a bad vice .

The Ugly - I can honestly report to you that I won the weekend food battle. I looked the Lucifer of Lard straight in the eye and he blinked first. However, his evil counter part, The Vetis of Vodka eventually got the best of me. It started with a four hour rain delay between matches on Friday and ended with tumble down a few steps while excitedly leaving the hockey game. Since I was being chauffeured to the game and back to house afterwards, I didn't pay any attention to to the number of Geese I downed. I ended up killing the whole flock. Saturday dinner consisted of a bread stick, cottage cheese and a few bites of under cooked salmon. But I washed it down with a couple of Gibsons with devilishly delicious cocktail onions. A couple more at the game with soda and I was as pickled as the onions. The final straw was my pal's idea to have one last double before the bar closed for the last period.  That's probably the one that made me miss that last step and hit the floor. 

I had two goals for the weekend. One of which was not to fall completely off the wagon. You may disagree, but I feel I held it in check pretty good. My other goal was to weigh the same today as I did last Thursday morning.  And I do. Victory is mine. So get your scorecards out and give this one to Johnny.

I am now refocused on good eating and no drinking for a few more weeks. I have another holiday weekend and another golf tournament in the next month to deal with. That means more trouble from you know who. Could a surprise visit from Al C. Hall be far behind? If he does rear his ugly head, I hope there are no stairs around.

I'm off to get my first fill today from Dr. X!

Talk soon!

jt

Date with the Devil....

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Welcome back to my ever-growing throng of readers!  It's great to see that so many folks have been loyally following my mission to fizzle my fat. I am more amazed every week when we get visitors from countries all over the world.  I don't know what's more amazing, this Internet thing that I thought would never catch on, or the fact that so many different cultures could possibly embrace one fat ass's life long weight struggle. Whatever the case, I'm glad you're here. Especially, this week. I'm imminently facing my second dance with Devil.  So get your pencils and scorecards ready.

Here's the 4-1-1 on my second dalliance with my old nemesis, The Beelzabub of Blubber himself. I have been faithfully on the old wagon, shying away from most "regular people" food, adult beverages and other forms of MANtertainment since April 9.  So here comes my first big challenge. Starting this evening, my guest hits town for our annual golf tournament. This will be my 20th consecutive year of participation and is always the first thing to go on my calender. Besides 3 days of awesome golf, two wonderful social functions are attached to this event. The next few days will be filled with with everything "real men" long for .... Golf, drinking, smoking, gambling, dirty jokes and funny body noises. Yep....  Even your tight ass husband will let loose and revel in this form of legal debauchery.  He can't help it. It's a pack mentality. Part of our code.

So you can see, the temptations will be coming at me from all angles. And just so we have no misunderstandings, I will be breaking my new rules and let loose a little bit. This has been planned and part of my year long goals. I need to be able to go to a function like this and not gain five pounds in three days.  So immediate goal #1, be the same weight on Monday. That goal will be on the forefront of my mind as I say YES to a martini, NO to a hot dog, YES to Cuba Libre', NO to cheeseburger, YES to pinot noir and NO to a frosty sundae. I WILL have a couple of libations! I WON'T eat like my old self.  That guy ain't here no more.

Yes, I have had one battle with the beast previously. It's duly noted that I lost the day but I did manage to keep the score down.  And let the record show that I LOST weight that week.  I didn't fall off the wagon entirely, I just kinda hung on the side. So that's immediate goal # 2. Don't fall completely off the wagon.  I look at this as being in training for my new life.  It's not in my nature to hide away like a hermit. So if I am to return to the real world some day, I need to be ready. These types of events, outings and get togethers are preparing me for the future ... kinda like fat college.

That's it for now.  You need to check back early next week and find out who wins this battle. If my weight is the same on Monday as it is today I win! If not, it's another loss to the evil Prince of Plump.

See ya!

PS..... I'm down 33 1/2 pounds since April 9th.  I get the first fill on Monday. 

Chugging Along

Weds, June 12


Hello again loyal Bloggins, Johnny fans and fellow Bandsters! It's been about a week since we chatted so I thought I'd let you know how it's going on The World According to Johnny. I gotta say ... pretty damn good!




This is NOT me!

 

It's been 4 weeks today since the capable Dr. X installed the anti-eating apparatus in my oh so blubbery mid-section.  As advertised by the Doc and his staff, I feel completely healed and am suffering no side effects what-so-ever. Other than this strange hankerin' for a trash bag full of Fritos I can't seem to shake, life has settled in to my new normal. Yes, NEW normal.

I have totally embraced my band and what it stands for. That is commitment. It is just so crystal clear to me that inserting a medical device inside your body is the last, desperate measure a fat person can take. And why take this drastic step if you are not going to change your life? Well, so far, I have changed my life. Dramatically. I have not yet had my band filled which means it's wide open.  I think I could pretty much get anything down the ol' yapper that I wanted and not have a stuck episode. But just knowing "Bandy" is in there, keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yep. I've changed. Hopefully for ever.

Although not required, I still start my day with the protein shake blended with a little ice. It's just like a milk shake and I like it!  I have recently started adding a tablespoon of low sugar peanut butter to the chocolate flavored shakes and it's delish! So no more big breakfasts or even breakfasts that I thought were healthy for me. I'm sticking with these shakes whenever possible. Lunch has turned into a 240 calorie tuna snack lunch or a low fat soup.  No more fast food, deli or 3 martini lunches for this fat ass!Dinner has consisted of ground up beef or turkey with a bit of flavoring, cooked veggies and some watermelon. And I'm good with it! It does help that wife wife L is a fine chef and makes even a mundane dish rival a nice dinner out.  Add in my snacks of yogurt, sugar free puddin' and a night cap Fudgie bar, I'm feeling real satisfied. I am actually blown away that this is working.

Am I losing weight? You betcha! 30 unsightly pounds of extra mass have evaporated from my roly poly body.  That's 2 bowling balls of F-A-T! Let that sink in.

Am I on target? You betcha! I was told to expect to lose 1.5 pounds a week after surgery. I'm exactly at that figure. If I can keep that pace up, I'll hit my 8th grade weight by October. Hey, there's another goal!

Do I have any pain? Nope.

Most importantly, can I play golf? Yep.  3 rounds last week alone.

 

So all in all, I am right where I should be. On the path to success!

As rosy as it all appears, there are a few bummers.  I'm a party guy.  As explained in detail in previous posts, I excel at eating, drinking and merrymaking.  My history is legendary. And I if I could remember it, it would make quite a book. This No Fun Johnny is, well, no fun. I am making healthy decisions daily when comes to food and booze. That includes avoiding almost all situations that include the Devil's temptresses. So far I have declined offers to at least 2 BBQs, 2 parties and a wedding. Yep. No fun at all. But this is the new normal. Am I embracing the No Fun Johnny? Nope.

Check back soon!

First band fill on Monday.  Then we have to talk about the dreaded "W" word.

JT

Caught Speeding

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

BLOG UPDATE:  We have surpassed 4000 views here on our little blog! Pretty good for only word of mouth advertising and a few Facebook posts. I am truly amazed by the amount of people that have any interest at all in some fat ass guy's weight loss project. We have readers from all over the world checking in regularly from Europe, Asia and the Far East.  I now have almost as many readers in Japan as I do in France.  Somebody must've got the word out to the SUMO community. All are welcome and we encourage you to spread the word that the fat fight starts here.

JOHNNY UPDATE: I went for my first post-op visit with Dr. X on Monday. Almost all the news was excellent.  I say almost because I got caught speeding a little bit. No, not by a cop on the drive over. By the bubbly Ms. K, my nutritionist.

I showed up on time at the Center for FatAssiness a bit early for my appointment.  I was thinking this was going to be an in and out thing and that I would only be there 20 minutes.  Wrong. I was nestled in the fat ass chair in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. While patiently sitting and pretending to read a Healthy Eating magazine from 1997, I just had to sneak a peek at who was in the wait area today. I spied at least three candidates who were there for either the initial consultation or mandatory pre-op visits. This is not hard to figure out. These were three absolute "biggins". One tall & fat, one short & fat and one so fat, she was riding a Rascal with  a custom made fat ass seat. I looked back at my magazine and thanked my lucky stars that I was on the low end of the fat-o-meter when I started this. I was snapped out of my daydream by the bubbly Ms. K who came for me and escorted me through extra wide doors. I noticed how wide those doors were before. But now I understood they were installed for fat ass motorized vehicles to pass through and not just a building code restriction.

Ms. K was her normal bubbly self and greeted my with a smile and a few kind pleasantries. We sat at nearby station, her at the desk, me in a wonderful fat ass chair.  She took my temperature and BP and concluded both excellent. I then slipped out of my loafers and headed to the fat ass scale. Remember this scale from a previous post?  It is a huge industrial type scale that for some reason doesn't read back your weight in pounds.  Only kilos. I think I'm starting to get this too. Kilos are about half of what pounds are.  This could prevent some patients from posting an embarrassing number or in my case prevent me from going in to shock when I saw the actual poundage. Being my first official weigh-in since surgery, I was looking for a good number. And I got it. Down 14 pounds since my last visit and 29.5 ugly pounds since day 1. I actually hit the weight listed on my driver's license that I lied about 5 years ago. Don't laugh. I know you all lie on your driver's license.

I was pluming like a peacock when Ms. K started reviewing my menu history since surgery.  She had many questions about the last couple of weeks and wanted details. I tried to duck and dodge a bit, but it was no use.  My little side trip to Detroit with the boys made its way into the conversation and that opened up a whole line of questioning I was not prepared to answer. Truthfully anyway.

"Wow, that sounds like quite a day.  You didn't break the liquid restriction, did you?"
BUSTED. I'm caught doing 90 in a 40. Realizing that my health depends on this, I came pretty clean about the whole day. Yea, even the Grey Geese.

Me: "But that's the only alcohol I had, I swear!"
Her: "We told you alcohol is strictly prohibited in the 1st 6 weeks.  It could cause you to throw up and pull those stitches out.  Then you have to go back into surgery."
Me: "It was the Devil!". 
Her: "Well, Devil or no Devil, you have to stick to the plan."
Me: "Sorry.  It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it went down No Problemo!".
Her: "We have these rules for a reason. You have to stick to them or there could be trouble."
Me: "Ok. Ok. But I did real good on the eating part! I only had a protein shake, a salad, a little squid and some smashie sea bass the whole day!"

Seeing that Ms. K was all of a sudden not so bubbly, I left out the bread crust and the non recommended energy bar. I also didn't tell her that I've had about four other salads and a few broiled chicken breasts that weren't smashed up. She left the room with quite a grimace on her face.

At this point Dr. X entered the room.  He examined my surgical holes and felt my port and then asked me a few questions about my diet. As if on cue, the not so bubbly Ms. K reenters the room.  Busted again! Dr. X was quickly brought up to speed on my menu flaunting and alcohol use.  He was not a happy camper.

Dr. X: "You're doing really well but you have to stay on the liquids and smashie food at least for a couple more weeks. The raw salad and squid or anything else that's not blended down could get stuck and make you regurgitate.  And that could loosen the stitches which means back into surgery."

Me: "Would you believe the Devil made me do it?"

Dr. X: "You need to be careful and aware of everything you put into your mouth for the next couple weeks.  We don't want any problems."

Me: "No we don't.  I will follow the instructions explicitly for the next two weeks."

We made it past this bump in the road and scheduled my next appointment for my first "fill".  Just over 2 weeks from today, we're gonna pinch that band up a bit. It's supposed to make me feel full and help me cut down on food cravings.  That sounds great.  But what about the Geese? I might need an exorcism for that one.

Check back soon!

JT

NOTE: As always, pardon the grammar and misspells.  I am self-editing which is not my strong point.