Believe It !!!!

Greetings once again wobble watchers!

I know it's been awhile since we talked. I'm not shunning you. I just didn't have a lot to tell you. Basically, your formerly pudgy pundit has been mired in the 170.5 to 172 pound range for several months. Wallowing at the doorstep of the 160s has been frustrating to say the least.  But I only have myself to blame. As reported to you previously, I have been keeping a pretty good eye on my food intake and keeping active. However, the summer's many social engagements have had me dancing with my personal devil, the weight loss killer himself, good 'ol Al. C. Hall. (That's al-co-hol for you newcomers). Yes, I have been living a normal person's life for the past few months so I kept my expectations low and low results is what I got.

Well, imagine my surprise this morning when I stepped up on to my fancy FitBit scale, ensconced in nothing but my birthday suit, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, looked down expecting the same report and then ... It can't be. I refocused and looked again. Staring back at me was the holy grail I have been seeking. My scale said 169.2.  I have reached my goal.

I didn't yell "whoopee". I didn't dance a fanciful jig. I did what any normal person of this new millennia would do. I rushed downstairs in full undress and grabbed my phone.  I needed a picture of this to prove it to you and for me to always remember the moment. After 16 months and three days of various trials and tribulations, my efforts have finally received the final payment. I made it.

So that's the BIG news of the day.  The journey has been completed. Johnny has been fully deconstructed. Somewhere, someone is saying " I didn't think that fat ass could do it." Well, poo on you.  I did do it. I sit here today, weighing 169 pounds.  Roughly the same weight I was circa 1973. Eighth grade.

Fat fans, this is not the end.  Remember I'm sticking with this plan until January 1, 2015.  Wherever I land at that time is where I will start maintenance. So we have a few more months to spend together. I have a mancation to Vegas and fatcation to St. Maarten (the ultimate eating and drinking paradise) scheduled between now and then. I know I will be challenged every minute of those getaways. So stay tuned.  Let's see if I can stay in the 160s by New Year's eve. Plus, there will always be some good stories to tell.

Until next time,
Johnny signing off at 169.2 pounds.

 

 

Still Teetering on the Precipice of Success

Hello again everybody. I know you're expecting big news here so let's get that out of the way.  The answer is NO. No I have not broken the 170 pound mark and I am not writing to you sitting on my 160-something pound ass. In fact, since our last visit, I bumped up about a pound. Damn swings. Damn plateaus.

As much as I am prone to do, I cannot complain and /or blame anybody else but myself. My active summer schedule has taken my focus off my flab fight. I have not been counting my calories. I have not been diligent with my workouts. I HAVE been living the good life. Good life for me, anyway. And you know what? I haven't gone food crazy. I haven't gained weight other than a paltry swing pound which could have been caused by a hydration issue or simply by driving past a McDonalds. Even though I have not visited a fast food joint in over 14 months, my seat belt still tightens up when I drive past a fast food row. Part of my bad metabolism.

I did get in to see Dr. X last week for my first visit in 2 months. We had good news.  Although I feel I have been struggling, the giant fat ass scale reported a 1.88 kilo loss! That's 4 pounds in American English. I was surprised and the doctor was happy. I guess it's a win-win. In fact, the weight loss news has me a little more invigorated to kick it up a notch.

After my BP was taken (110/72), the doc and I had had another conversation about where I wanted to land weight-wise. Since I have finally fallen beneath the "obese" BMI measure, the doc says it's really up to me. We discussed the numbers. I'm in a medium golf shirt. I don't want to go into a small. I'm close to a 34 waist. I'm really good with that. I'm about 7 ounces away from the 169 goal. So to me, I am just about home. I told him I would like to get to about 164 on my scale at home in the morning in my birthday suit because of the 3 pound swing. That's about 8 more pounds. I also told him, I'm sticking with my current plan until New Year's eve.  Then it will be maintenance, no matter what the score is. We were in agreement.

Then he asked me if I am getting that "full" feeling after I eat. Answer: No. I really haven't felt that "full" feeling since April 7, 2013. The day before my quest began. He told me that I should be feeling full after meals and that we should tighten up the band yet again. As always, I complied. I undid my shirt, laid down and took the needle to my protruding port valve.

As excited as I was to get the help to get me to the Lap-Band  green zone, I must confess that I was a little worried about pumping up ol' Bandy. Ya see, since I had my last adjustment 2 months ago, there was an incident. I was eating lunch at my desk.  It was left over turkey breast. Perhaps a little too dry. Or maybe I wasn't concentrating and eating too fast. Or possibly ate too big of a bite. Any-whoo, it got stuck. This caused me to "slime" uncontrollably into my office waste basket for over an hour until I finally regurgitated the last bites of the undigested fowl. Getting "stuck" hurts like hell and the refunding is no fun either. I told Doc that this was the first time this happened to me since my surgery in May 2013. He said I was "lucky". Most bandsters struggle with this numerous times until they find their personal green zones and learn how to work with their bands.

Well, I guess I'm a lucky bandster! I have only tossed my cookies once in a year and three months. This last injection was .33ccs. I can really feel the difference now. I am almost starting to feel full after meals, but I really have to pay attention to what I am eating and how fast I'm shoveling it down.
Renewed focus.

I'm going back to see Dr. X again in 2 months.  Then I will be released with only a yearly appointment recommended.

My journey is fast approaching the finish line. Once I get rid off these last few pounds, it will be time for us to say our good byes and move on. But fear not my fat following friends, Dr. X says it will take me about 6 months to lose the rest of this midriff bulge.  So you got THAT going for you!

See ya real soon!

Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Inching Closer to Finish Line

Hello again fat fans! I know it's been a while since we chatted so I wanted to give you a little update on what's going on in Johnny world.

I have been busy, busy, busy! Summer always does this to me. Anyone who lives here in the upper Midwest gets it. We are basically home bound by six months of crappy weather. So when the temps heat up, so do our calendars. I'm no exception to this. While I try and get away a couple of times in our unbearable winters, it surely is no substitute for the sun and fun of summer. It seems I have something to do at least 4 days a week now. Of course, most of these fun filled events come with great offerings of food and drink. It's what we Americans do. We get together and we eat and drink.

Being a well socialized individual, I jump right into these soirees whenever possible. This obviously presents a problem for the dieting Johnny. Food and adult beverages are my temptress. The bane of my existence. So I have to party cautiously. I struggle every moment to just say no. I'm still in the early stages of my fat recovery process. For the most part, I am winning the fight with my addiction.

A few cases in point. I had guests in for 5 days of golf, dinning, drinking and your basic man fun thing. I ate, and I certainly drank. Like a normal person. The following week I hit the scale and added a few pounds.  But I got right back on my plan and was back to where I was before I started the week long fiesta. That's a win.

About a week ago, I left town and went fishing in Central America with a few clients.  It was like these guys never get out.  They went deep for three nights eating and drinking until they couldn't eat or drink anymore. I survived. I made wise food choices and somewhat controlled my beverage intake. But I did rekindle my affinity for cold beer! And I found out I can handle it band-wise pretty well. I came back from this 5 day jaunt about 4 pounds up. I got right back on plan. It took about a week for me to purge the cervezas and salt water bloat from my body. But in the end, I weighed less that when I left. win # 2.

This week, even after several dinners out, I hit the scale at 170.7.  A measly pound away from the holy grail of the 160s. I'm getting so close I could taste it. Maybe that's the wrong metaphor. I would only taste it if it was low cal. Never-the-less, a paltry pound lies between me and my goal. SO CLOSE ... yet so far away! Life always throws curveballs. Diets throw yo-yos.

There it is family, friends and fat fans across the globe. I . Am. Almost. There.

The next time you here from me, I will be 169 point something. Anything in the 169 area counts as a victory. But it's not the end.  Because of the aforementioned 3 pound swings, I'll need to lose another 5 pounds or so. So the quest will continue until Santa Claus comes to town. Too bad my calendar is filled again this week. I know I could hit it by Friday. But, hey, life's too short. I'll get there when I get there.

Party on Garth!

JT

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Phew! A Tough Stretch Negotiated

I am back!

Was I out of town? Was I called away on a crucial business trip? Did I get lost in the woods? Was I kidnapped by an over zealous fat fan? The answers are .... No, no, no and no.

I was in town all right.  But I was sure off the Lap Band radar screen.

The last 10 days may have been the longest so far since I started my fat fight that I have been away from the comforts of my eating regiment. You see, I have been in golfer's paradise.  Ten straight days of chasing a little white ball all in the name of customer satisfaction and charity. Sure, golf is a fun filled getaway.  But 10 days in a row? Truth be told, it got to be a bit grueling.

I can hear all of you shouting "poor guy had to play golf for 10 days ....awwww". I'm not complaining. I would do it again next week if I had to. But I would not want to. I was completely exhausted by Saturday night.  But I learned a couple of valuable lessons during this past golf-a-thon.

The first thing I learned is that my new body is much more able to handle the physicality of walking, swinging and handling the heat than it was previously.  I don't think the formerly fat Johnny could have done it. I might have died from overexertion, heat exhaustion, or a bad case of thigh chaffing. Yep, I was ready for this. I handled it probably better than most men my age. Between walking and riding, I still managed to put close to 40 miles on my petite feet.

The next thing I learned is of equal importance. I learned that I could be away from my home base in the fat bunker and eat like a normal person and not have a devastating weight gain. When I say eat normal, I mean normal for a guy watching his weight. I made the best food choices available to me at every meal. Cheeseburgers with all the trimmins' on a sesame bun? No. A hamburger patty with a slice of cheese, a little onion and tomato topped with low calorie mustard? Bring it on! Pasta salad...nope. Cookies ... nope. Heat beating ice cream ... unfortunately not.  I opted for a fresh fruit smoothie.  With just a touch of rum.

The week-plus adventure did have a shocking scale moment. I actually panicked one morning when my scale showed I had a 4 pound swing upward. I was shocked.  It had to be the  alcohol forcing my body to take on water like a ship with a hole in the hull. So Sunday came and I started drinking more water. It worked. I'm glad to say that this morning I weighed in at 172.5.  A loss of a pound through this period and a mere 3 pounds from the 160's. Victory.

I guess the other thing I learned is that when I retire I can't play golf everyday like I have always dreamed of doing.  I'll need another hobby to occupy my off days.  Fishing? Maybe. Jogging? Doubtful.

See ya next time.

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

The 3 Pound Swing

Hello again fat fans.  It's time for another quick update from the fat bunker.

Let's get this out of the way FIRST.  No, I did not hit my goal. I am still 3-5 pounds away from my holy grail. That's what brings me to today's topic: The 3 pound swing.

You probably were puzzled when I told you I was 3 to 5 pounds away from goal. How can that be you wonder. The reason is the 3 pound swing. Every morning when I hit my fancy FitBit scale and await my daily dose of euphoria or disappointment, I am faced with numbers that don't make sense. One morning I am at 172.5, just 3 pounds shy of this dieter's ecstasy, the next marooning I'm at 175. Another 6 pounds to go. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my fluctuations of flab.

The most frustrating feelings hit me during the morning weigh in following a day when I stuck to the script. Meaning I stayed within my 1200-1400 calories, did my exercises, drank my fluids AND still show a gain.  That really frosts my privates. Being a typical man, I am always looking for instant gratification. It is bad enough not to lose any weight when I'm a good boy, but it's really a downer to show a gain.  What's a guy to do?

There is one thing I know for sure. If I stray off the plan with a few cocktails and a couple of meals out over the weekend, I am guaranteed to show the full 3 pound swing on Monday morning. It doesn't matter that I walked 10 miles and made good food choices.  If I have those cocktails, I'm in for a rude awaking on the Monday morning weigh in.  I know now why my weight loss muse, LapBand Girl, only weighs in on Fridays. Once I get to the promised land that's what I'm gonna do too. Weigh in one day a week on Friday.

Because of the 3 pound swing, us fat fighters need to remember that you goal really isn't your goal. Our real goal needs to be at least 5 pounds under our original goal. We need to plan for the swings. There is no avoiding them for any weight maintenance endeavor. So fat fighters... GO LOW!

Summer's full bloom and my constant plateauing, have made the last month a little tough to bare. I sneaked down to 2.5 pounds away and bounced back to 5 pounds away. I'll keep working out and walking and watching what goes in to my big trap and keep hoping for a breakthrough.  When I hit that magic number, ya'll will be the first to know. After my neighbors of course.  They will have to put up with the early morning hooping and hollering.

More to come.

J

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

T Minus 3.5 and Counting

Greetings and salutations to all from the fat bunker.

My journey to rid my body of oodles of excess blubber and reduce my ass to normal size is entering the home stretch. My fancy FitBit scale told me I am only 3.5 pounds of my original goal of 169 pounds! This is FACT, not FATasy. In an average run-of-the-mill life, I could knock this out in a month.  I could hit the 169 by Independence Day. But mine is not a typical life.

While the finish line is definitely in sight, the final passage is fraught with obstacles. We are, of course, speaking of my challenging social life. My goal would be much more attainable if I sat at home, counted my calories and did my workouts. But life calls! After a brutal winter and harsh spring, it's time to get out and enjoy the few months of nice weather we get in these parts. That means dining out, hanging with  ultra thin foodies and doing the dance with Al C. Hall at least a few times a week.  Throw in the fact that I have guests coming in from out of town for a 4 day golf and food bacchanalia in the middle of the month, my challenges are enormous. Maybe I should just strive to achieve no weight gain during this period instead of focusing on a loss. Or maybe I just keep doing what I'm doing and let the chips fall.

Although I have greatly changed my lifestyle as far as food and drinking are concerned, I still imbibe things that I know will impede my weight loss. I always try and make the best food choices that are available to me at the time. Unfortunately, the prevailing host or chef does not always consider that a struggling fatass may be partaking of the provided fare. So great food choices are not always an option.  Sometimes you gotta go with the best of the worst. Case in point.  Last weekend I was at an outing.  I hadn't eaten all day, I was starving. A buffet was offered with greasy burgers, brats and some type of fried chicken. But then I saw a little station right around the corner serving fish tacos. I woofed down a couple of those to try and keep with the plan. It would have been easy to grab a bun and slimy cheeseburger (and God knows I wanted one!). But the fish tacos did the trick.  Not 100% on the plan, but passable in a pinch. That worked this time.

When I am out of fat bunker, I constantly have to make the right choices when it comes to any food or drink. Constantly. Did I say always? This all goes back to what we talked about before. Our food culture.  Everything grown ups do usually ends up with a barbecue, dinner out, beers, drinks or a pizza.  Just not a good place for a struggling fatass to be. But, hey, life happens! So I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna eat the right stuff when I can and I'm definitely gonna have a few adult beverages here and there. I may be eating a piece of salmon and a salad accompanied by a light white wine, but you will all know that I will be lusting for a greasy cheeseburger, fries and jumbo Margarita. With salt. Let's just keep this our little secret.

Until next time,
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Happy Bandiversary To Me!

Fall 2012

It's a big day here on the Johnny blog. Why, you ask? Because May 15, 2014 marked 1 full year since I got the fancy food fighting apparatus implanted in my bloated belly. That makes May 15 my Bandiversary.  So starting this year, and for all subsequent years of my remaining lifetime, I will celebrate this day. Just like we celebrate other important dates in our lives. If you really think about it, the day I got the Lap-Band installed is both an anniversary and akind of birthday all rolled into one. I surely will always mark the day I decided to shun my fat lifestyle. That's the anniversary part. I was also reborn into a new life.  That's the birthday part.

Nov 2013

Feb. 2013

You loyal readers know that I have had my trials and tribulations along this rocky road. We have found out together that it's really hard to predict how much weight one fat ass fellow can lose in any particular period. It's mighty discouraging to stick to your diet plan and lose 3 pounds one week and gain a pound the next. Your body has it's own time schedule and really doesn't give a poop about your goals.  It does what it wants when it wants. Setting weight goals and achieving them in a specific time period is best guess math. A lot of wishing goes into the goal setting process.

I set a lot of goals when I started this.  I had short term goals that motivated me to get to a specific weight for a targeted vacation date. I had goals of going on aforementioned vacation and returning at a specific weight. I had weight goals for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my trade show in early February. I didn't always make those goals, but they kept me focused on my main goal. That was the long term goal I set on May 13 of last year, two days before I went under the knife. My goal was to be at 169 pounds by my 1 year Bandiversary.

Bandiversary May 15, 2014

Here I am just past my Bandiversary. The date I set to hit 169.  Did I get there? No I did not. I weighed in today at 174 pounds. A lousy 5 pounds away from my long term goal. Am I upset?  NO F###ING WAY! This is a full victory! If someone would have told me last May 15  that I would lose 80 pounds in one year I would have either laughed in their face or kissed them. I am de-F-ing-lighted to be at 174 on my Bandiversary.


One other thing I mentioned in that blog post of 5/13./13 is that I would see where I was at in year and decide where I would go from there. Well now I'm here. As I told you previously, I have decided to remain on the calorie counting program and exercise routine that has brought me this far through December 31, 2014. I'll take a look at where I'm at at that time. If I lose another 15 pounds, so be it. That's where I'll start talking maintenance. I'm still committed to the plan. My plan, my way.

So it's time to celebrate!  Wherever you are tonight, raise a glass and toast to my first Bandiversary! I might celebrate a little as well . If you see me around tonight, the drinks are on me. But make mine a Vitamin water Zero. I still have some work to do.

Thanks to all for the support!

We'll talk soon
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Ass, What Is It Good For?

Hi folks!

Let's start off with the news before today's rant.

I made my way to the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness this past Monday for another visit with my bariatric expert, Dr. X. I also spent some quality time with my nutritionist, the bubbly Ms. K. Bottom line, news all good!

Blood pressure as low as I can remember. Resting heart rate almost at athlete level (Ha!). BMI, 30.1. I am just a couple of BMI ticks away from getting in to the plain overweight category. And the weight loss? Another 4 pounds since my last visit 6 weeks ago. So even if I have been frustrated by the plateauing I'm experiencing,  my fat team is not. They say I am right on track and are thrilled with the continued downward movement. I got another .25ccs pumped into the band and headed home.

So now to something that is currently perplexing me. You all know I have an inquiring mind and some times obsess on trivial things.  Character flaw maybe. But my mental compuslsion to know all things stupid made me start wondering about today's topic ... the human ass. Don't ask me why or how this popped into my head. It just did and now I have to talk about it.

Loyal readers know that I have had a mostly hate relationship with my ass since my prepubescent years. It was always there. Following me. I have ripped through the seats of  more trousers then 20 average men in my lifetime. All because my expanding ass needed more breathing room. I've broken more than my fair share of chairs, benches and chaise lounges because my ass needed extra room to roam. I have suffered painful plane trips, squeezed into unaccommodating seats because my ass was abnormally large. Basically, my ass has been a pain in itself forever. It makes me wonder what the heck the good Lord was thinking when he made the first man and put an ass on him.

If you look at the human body from a layman's view, every part and appendage pretty much has a self explanatory function. Head, protects the brain and houses the eyes, ears and mouth.  Pretty much the control center of the anatomy. Torso built to hold the arms, hands and fingers. All with vital functions.  Legs connect to the knees and feet. Again with obvious functional benefits.  Even the human sex organs are multi-functional. That brings us to the ass.

I can see no value in the ass. Sure, it warehouses an exit port. But that could of been placed in another strategic area during the prototype development. The ass, for the most part, is not beautiful. Before you ass men jump down my throat, think about it.  Aside from the unobtainable supermodel, much of the ass we see is pretty mundane. Let's not even get in to the male ass. Very unattractive.  And sometimes hairy.

The only good thing about the ass is the names that come along with it. Butt, bottom, tush, rear, fanny, rump and the pleasant sounding derriere, are just a few that have made their way into our vernacular.  It's never good to be called an ass or worse, an ass exit port.  You can joke about a butt, but you never want to be the but of a joke. You never want to fall behind because you can end up at the bottom on your posterior.  And you don't want to take a back seat to anybody!

Nope, I can't see real value in the ass. Other than sitting on it, it performs no real function. This is why I decided to end my relationship with my ass. I have shrunk it to a relatively normal size so far.  Enough that it doesn't stick out in a crowd anymore. But that's not enough. I want it gone. Yup. It's bye bye buttocks for me.

Let's talk soon.
jt

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

File Under Good Problem to Have

Welcome back!

Let's start off with a brief blog update. We are rapidly approaching the 20,000 visitor mark. To put that in to perspective, that's almost a full house at Chicago's United Center. I never imagined that my foibles with fat would draw the interest of anyone outside my family and closest friends. But here I sit, just over one year into this jiggly jaunt with readers from all over the globe! It seems that large boned and pleasing plump folks the world over share the same enthusiasm for a good old fashioned fat ass fairy tale.

I thought it was also interesting that my number 2 fans, The Latvians, have been replaced as of late by the Chinese. Perhaps our lardy Latvian friends are preoccupied with the Russian troops amassing on their border. And maybe the chunky Chinese have finally discovered the internet. Just wondering.

Unfortunately, I have little to report on weight loss front. I think I'm down about a quarter of a pound since our last visit. I can't even say that for sure because I am prone to daily fluctuations of 1-3 pounds. This plateauing is tough to deal with. But it's part of the process and I have grown to be more patient with it. Well, a little bit anyway.  My commitment to stay the course for the remainder of 2014 has taken the pressure off me a bit. I no longer expect daily down numbers and I haven't attempted to fling my scale recently.  So I guess we can call this emotional progress.

Undaunted by my lack of weight loss, I have continued my commitment to after work anti-couch activities. These include moderate cardio exercise and strength conditioning. I'm trying to do some activity at least 5 days a week. Mind you, this is by no means Olympic type training,. But it works for me. The good news is it's paying off. I have noticed that my newer, thinner Level 1 wardrobe purchased since last fall is starting to hang loosely on me.  My new jeans. My new cheap Docker slacks. My new dress shirts.  My new golf shirts. It's like deja vu all over again. I'm in another struggle with my wardrobe.

Even though I have smartened up and only buy clothing that is on sale, it is still a very expensive endeavor to replenish a full wardrobe. Now I am doing it for the second and third time. If there is one thing I underestimated when I started this project, it would be the clothing thing. I knew there would be clothing expenses. I just didn't realize the pure volume of clothes it takes to drape a man's body for winter, spring and summer. Then there's business, casual and golf. Not to mention pajamas and other unmentionables. Everything down to my socks has to be replaced.

I have a real aversion to shopping. In fact, I hate it.  Not to mention all the tailoring that goes along with the new clothes. Very time consuming and boring. Plus, I hate pissing away cash on clothes that may only last me through the summer. I know I'm whining. I guess it beats dealing with my old haberdasher, Omar the Tent Maker.  So let's file this under good problems to have.

I'm seeing the good Dr. X Monday for another follow up. I'll report back to you then.

Au revoir!

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

It's a Slow News Day

Hello all.

I haven't been back to ya'll for a while because, well, I really haven't got much to report. A couple weeks ago I announced to the world that I was 10 paltry pounds away from my original goal of 169. However, I have had a little movement. After plateauing yet again, I sit here today down another 1-1/2 pounds. That puts me 8-1/2 pounds away kids. Painfully close ... yet so far away. These last few pounds are falling off at a glacial pace.  Which means really, really slow!

I had hoped I would  get to that magical number by May 15. But that ain't going to happen. My body is fighting me to keep it's precious blubber. I think my brain really misses my ass and is no hurry to detach itself from my remaining flab.  This new body thing is quite shocking for all of us. All of us meaning my brain and all the different voices living in there. It is very hard to adjust to the radical changes I have made in my life. Healthier eating habits, exercise and severely limiting my social booze intake. My liver is probably the happiest. In fact, it notified me it wanted to have a small get together with a few of my other organs to celebrate their new lease on life. I would invite you but it will be a lame party.  Mr. Liver, Mr. Pancreas and their cohorts are strictly teetotalers. They are also not much into lively conversation.

As told to you before, I have decided to just keep doing what I'm doing all through the end of the year. Stay around 1200-1400 calories a day, moderate exercise routine and limited social drinking.  I suppose I could try some type of radical cleanse diet and make that May 15th date.  But what will that accomplish? I am losing weight the right way. Slow and steady.  I think I should stay the course. My metabolic system is so shocked now, I don't think it can handle another curve ball.

The other side of that debate is that maybe I should try and fool my body and give myself a good kick in the butt to get my metabolism started again. Kinda like when they tell you to change your weight lifting routine to confuse your muscles. I don't know. Seems complicated to me. I'm the only fool that will end up being confused. And still at the same weight. So it could be an exercise in futility.

I am quickly coming to the realization that these last pounds are going to be a bee-atch to lose. I'm really not in a hurry. But I am impatient. I guess that's a bit of a contradiction. But it is what it is. I want to get to that goal and I want to do it now. But I can wait.

I'll hit ya back soon!

JT

T Minus 10 and Counting

Hellooo fellow fat fighters! Welcome back to my warped world of wobble. It's true I don't see things the way the most people do. Some call it weird. Some call it inappropriate. Some like it. Some don't. But I call it the way I see it. Through my own pair of kaleidoscopic glasses. If you're a liker, read on for more of my magical mushroom musings. If you're a hater, stick around anyway. I might publicly embarrass myself. Again.

Anyhoo .... Let's start with a few facts for newer readers. This can also refresh the jellies that my loyal readers call brains. Hey, if you're hanging around this blog, your power of cognitive thinking is probably lacking that of a confused hamster. Or you obviously don't have anything better to do. Either way, Let's all assume that the overall retention rate of my readers is, well ... what were we talking about? Oh, yeah .. right. A little recap.
Here ya' go.

December 2012 - Couldn't fit my fat ass in a plane seat. Almost needed the belt extender. Realized I had a weight problem.
January 2013 - Had my 1st consultation for Lap Band surgery. Was hoping to get it done in a week.
February / March 2013 - Saw doctors and shrink. Had Farewell to Food Tour. Fought insurance company.
April 8, 2013 - Level 3 pants explode. Started emergency diet. Fought with insurance company.
May 15, 2013 - Had Lap Band surgery
May 16, 2013 - Started new life.

Last April 8th, I hit the scale at 254.5 pounds. This may not sound like a whole lot to some with similar struggles. But I am of smaller stature. This weight put my BMI at 43! I was a short biggun! Had there been a remake of the Wizard of OZ, I would have gotten the Mayor of Munchinville part hands down! However, since there was no hope of a munchkin comeback, I knew I had to get started, regardless of my doctor's or insurance company's schedules.

My emergency diet worked. My Lap Band is working. My new lifestyle is working. It's all coming together. I set a goal for myself of 169 pounds. Today's scale visit shouted 179 pounds. I am 10 pounds away from my original goal. If I can lose about 1 pound a week, that will put me at goal right around my Bandiversary on May 15. That would be Mission Accomplished.

As awesome as it will be to hit that goal, that is not my current mindset. First of all, if my goal is 169, I damn well better get down to 165. All dieters know that there will be upward fluctuations upon return to a normal food life. I certainly don't want to get all giddy at 169, have a party and wake up the next day at 173. That would be muy depressing. So for what it's worth, I have decided to play this thing out for the rest of the year. I am going to continue doing what I am doing as far as food, drink and exercise and let the chips fall where they may. If I get down to the 150s by then, maybe Santa will bring me a new wardrobe.

Via Con Dios!
Johnny T

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Stop by my blog:
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com 

Did I Fall Off the Wagon?

Hi all!

I'm back from my 8 day retreat in the valley of the sun! After suffering through a BRUTAL Chicago winter, I was excited and relieved to get out of town for a LOT of rest and relation. Notice I did not say a little r & r. Nope. Other than checking with the office a few times during the week, I focused on nuthin' but sun, golf and partying.

I was freaking out about my weight before I left on this trip. I had tried like heck to break the 180 barrier before I got on the plane. That didn't work out. I left about 2.5 pounds over that mini goal. Well, this made me freak even more during my vacation. I knew there was no way I could follow my plan. Everyday was filled with nice breakfasts, wonderful lunches, outstanding dinners and, of course, adult beverages of every variety. I was in trouble.

Instead of throwing in the towel and going on an eating and drinking binge, I decided to go with the flow. But ... I was smart about it. I used smart food choices all week. I really limited any breads, potatoes and pastas. I ate fish as much as possible, even in the fancy steak joints. I steered pretty clear of sweets and deserts. I ate protein bars and SkinnyPop for snacks when available. I tried to make sure I ate something healthy about every 3 hours. I walked as much as I could. Even the seven rounds of golf I played using a cart, still required me to walk about 3.5 miles each round.

This brings us to the adult beverage portion of our story. Did I abstain from beer, vodka and wine? Hell no. I was on vacation with a bunch of adults. It's part of the deal. It's part of enjoying life. Did I over do it? Hell no. I had 2 beers during the week. I've been hankering for a frosty Corona with a lime for months. So I had a couple. I had a few vodkas and soda every day. No sugary juices or mixes. I had a few glasses of fine wine during the week. So, yes I imbibed. But no, I did not drink like a sailor on a three day leave.

I got on the plane coming home resigned to the fact that I would probably hit 185 on the scale on Monday morning. Anything over that would piss me off. I didn't want to start my week back to work in a bad mood, so I decided to not weigh in for a week. This would give me time to lose those vacation pounds and ease my fat fears. But, I couldn't do it. I had to know. I pulled out my fancy fitbit scale this morning and jumped on. Ready for a deserved kick in the nuts. Imagine my surprise when my friendly fitbit scale told me I weighed 181. 3! Less than when I left. This is a SCALE victory.

My fancy fitbit scale gave me more than just good news on my weight. It showed me that I can go on a vacation and enjoy myself like a normal thin person. It gave me a glimpse into my future. Someday I will move to the maintenance side of this project. And this is will be my life. As long as I make healthy food choices, drink moderately and stay active, I can maintain. This is what normal people do. And that's what this whole journey has been about. Being normal. BTW, is it normal to crave margaritas? I'll have to ask a skinny person.

See ya soon.
jt

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Hey Doc! Make Up Your Mind

Greetings again fellow fat fighters.

Here's another update for you to chew on. I visited Dr. X this past Monday.  In short, I left the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness more confused than I have been since my surgery. I'll get to that in a minute. First, let's take a look a the numbers.

The doc was running late so I sat in the waiting area for an hour. I was remarkably calm considering my inbred flaw of impatience. Plus, I didn't want to get my blood pressure boiling and fail my impending BP check. Finally, the massive doors swung opened and a new nurse summoned me in. She has me sit down and proceeds to tell me she's a little "new".  First thing she does is take my BP.  After fumbling around with the armband thingy, she pumps it up and takes the reading.

"165 over 115" she tells me.

Well, I just had my BP checked 3 days ago at my chiropractor and it was stellar.

"Ma'am", I say, "you gotta be doing something wrong.  If that's my BP you'd better call a crash cart right now!"

I think she was a little pissed that I made her do it again. Her problem, not mine. She re-fumbled with the armband thingy, pumped it up and then gave me the news.

"114 over 67. I must have missed something."

No shit Sherlock. I'm not a nurse nor do I play one on TV, but even I would know something was wrong there. She must have graduated from the Obamacare School of Medicine.

After the BP charade, we moved to the super sized fat ass scale. She recorded the kilogram weight and escorted me into the exam room to wait for Dr. X. After another 20 minute wait, he entered in his usual good mood. We kibitzed for a few minutes then when on to our business.

Weight loss since Feb. 3 ( 4 weeks) - a paltry 2 pounds. I guess I'll take it. I was gone for a week on a vodka binge and had a few other social commitments in between.  Dr. X is happy with it, me not so much. I made my next appoint for 6 weeks out. I told him I wanted to lose another 5 pounds by the end of April. I also shared with him my frustration with the plateauing I been experiencing weekly. He then gives me his insight which lead to my confusion.

"You've lost a LOT of weight.  The weight will be coming off slower now.Your BMI is now 31. Anything in the 20s is what we want. After that it's up to you where you want to be" he tells me.

I had to ask. "Wasn't it just last month you told me you wanted me to get to a BMI of 25 and weigh about 150 pounds?"

"It's up to you how far you want to go and what you think is best for you."

Wow.  Now it's up to me again.  I'll have to take some time to discern this new information.  My original goal was 169. Let me get there first and then we'll talk. I'm thinking my body will tell me when it's time to end the losing phase and move to the maintenance phase. I still gotta get rid of some of this midriff bulge I'm dealing with.  Then we can talk about maintenance. I can do maintenance. After all, it's just a diet with alcohol.

So long for now!
Johnny T

I'll be back to you in a couple of weeks. I'm off to the desert for some sun & golf. Of course I'll be eating out every day and enjoying my share of adult beverages. Here's hoping I can maintain my weight ... again.

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Clothes Woes

Welcome back! It's time for more girthy grins from your formerly portly preacher. So let's get right into it and see what's happening in the world of Johnny.

Frankly, I'm dealing with another debacle.

Last week, I finally got around to finally moving my old suits into storage. Did I say finally? I have been slowly paring my old wardrobe from my closet.  It has not been easy. It's not the actual moving of clothes that's hard, it's the sorting of the clothes that's the killer. What to throw away and what to keep. It's a mess of epic proportions. After all, I am dealing with about 5 levels of clothing.

To clear it up for our new readers, a "level" of clothes is / was the particular items I had that fit me in various stages of rotundness. At my worst, I was busting out of my Level 3 wardrobe. That consisted of several pairs of slacks and a couple of over sized shirts. God forbid if I ever had to invoke Level 4 emergency protocols! That was just a moo moo and a pair of furry bunny slippers. The world was not ready for that.

As I have lost weight, I have moved rapidly through Level 2 (comfortable fitting FAT wardrobe), Level 1 (loose fitting fat wardrobe and some trousers and shirts from an old closet, circa 1995), a new transitional Level A wardrobe (some new clothes and a myriad of FAT clothes that were taken in), Level B wardrobe which consists of all new transitional clothes and some old shirts that have been severely altered.

Needless to say the the move downward through the levels requires me to set up shop in my closet and endlessly try on pants and shirts. Discarding the "absolutely don't fits", keeping the" fits OKs" and waffling on the "in-betweeners". Because this chore is not related to work, sports or sex, paying attention for any length of time is quite cumbersome. So after about an hour, I got bored and just keep the items I hadn't gotten to yet. This caused a little bit of a logjam. But I FINALLY got it done.

After last weeks wardrobe purge, my closet looks pretty empty. Now I have discovered I have only a handful of pants that fit, a few jeans and three Jos. A Banks Sunday go-to-meetin' outfits. I'm in trouble here! I may have to invoke reverse Level C emergency protocols, if I don't get some new trousers in a hurry! I have taken the new pants I bought back in November to Giovanni the "crack tailor" to get taken in. I call him the "crack tailor" because it seems like I am there every week with a fistful of cash to get my fix.  I hope these pantalones hold me for another month or so. I really don't want to buy new slacks because I am right on the edge of another downward move in the waist size. Giovanni hopes I continue the tailoring route. I also learned that even if your tailor tells you he can take 9 inches out of your waist, that doesn't mean  the pants are going to look right.  I may have started a new fashion trend ... 3 belt loops in the back about an inch apart from each other. We'll see if it catches on.

Truth be told, I made a few wardrobe mistakes along the way. First, I got way too many slacks, suits and sport coats altered after the first 30 pounds or so. My body was changing so fast that I never even had a chance to wear most of the items. Secondly, I took about 20 shirts in and had those taken in as well. Giovanni can take in the sides, but he can't redo the neck. So I ended up with a bunch of dress shirts with big necks. And the sport coats? He took in the sides, but he couldn't move the shoulders.  So I ended up looking like a character from Miami Vice. Big wide collars and shoulder pads. I had to say good bye.

I am just ranting about this because it's aggravating and time consuming. But we have to put this in the "good problem to have" column. Yup. It sure beats going the other way. I suppose it's rewarding to see the new clothes I bought in the fall hanging off me already. With another 25 pounds to go, I'm certain I'll being doing at least a couple more wardrobe purges. Only this time it won't be fancy custom suits made by my former haberdasher.  You know him? Omar the Tent Maker. If you go see him, tell him Johnny sent you. And also tell him I am no longer in need of his services.

SOOOO LOOONG FOR NOW!

JT

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

A Goal in Sight

Trump Cup Flight Winners!

Hey there ...

Quick update on a few things.

I got on my fancy FitBit scale this morning.  I have officially lost the alcohol induced weight gain from my Florida trip plus a little bit more. As a matter of fact, my integrated FitBit app tells me I have 14.7 more pounds to lose to hit my goal of 169.

A couple thoughts on that 169. First, I must tell you that the weight is falling off at glacial speed. Which means very, very slow.  I am still really trying to stick to the plan that has brought me this far, but the results are far more frustrating than when I started this adventure. Sure, I get it. More ass, more weight loss. Less ass, less weight loss. Statistically speaking, a half pound loss of smaller ass is the percentage equal of a full pound loss of fat ass.  So I got that going for me. But I am not doing this to amuse some pudgy mathematician. I really don't give a rat's patooty about a percentage loss.  I'm in the game for poundage!

The excitement of hitting the home stretch to 169 has been tempered down quite a bit since Dr. X gave me the news back in December that he wants me to go for 150. If you remember, he also told me that we have another year and half to go. New goal date is May 15, 2015. Yes, this kind of took the wind out of my sails. I think I mentally took a breather and took my eye off the ball a bit.  Maybe that's why I have been hovering here at the 183ish level for a month or so. I need to get re-motivated.

First off, my travel schedule is definitely counterproductive to to maintaining a strict diet plan. Yes, I do really well choosing my food options. I choose healthy foods and reasonable portions. However, these healthy choices are the choices that people make when they are trying to maintain their weight.  Not the more restricted menu a weight cutter should be making.  It's not that easy when you're dining out for every meal for a week straight.  And then there is Al C Hall. There is no way that  more than several adult beverages a day is good for weight loss.  I know it  and you know it. But while I am on a precious vacation, I have to imbibe. Ya know, just to be polite. This is why I settle for maintaining my weight while I'm jet-setting.

So here I am. I'm under 15 pounds from my original goal. Working through a hectic travel schedule and trying to maintain my weight. That's not the plan. My plan was to be 169 by May 15, 2014, and I am gonna stick with that plan. That means I'm going to have to change a few things.

Honestly, I really need to get more active.  It's super hard to get motivated when you're ball deep in snow. Yeah, I'm using the treadmill a bit. And I hit the weights occasionally. But it's not enough and I know it. I enjoy walking on a beautiful summer day during a rousing round of golf. Working the treadmill and staring at the wall, not so much. Maybe I'll try the Shred that Lap Band Girl is always touting?  She is my muse. She is always reminding me of what it takes to get to your goal and maintain it.  Suffice to say, sitting on my backside is not in the equation.

That's it for now. Same goal - 169.  Same goal date May, 2014. Same plan? I'm going to have to think on this one. More activity is definitely on the schedule. And maybe I'll cut off one of my now thinner legs.

Buh Bye

JT

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

A Big Dog and a Sixth Grade Boy

Hello world. I'm back again with another update. I hope this post's title didn't confuse you.  I promise it will make perfect sense by the end of this enthralling read. So you're just gonna have to wait a bit. And of course, read today's entire rant.

First... Next week will be one year since I wrote my first
blog entry. Today's column will be my 54th attempt at keeping you updated on my weight loss journey.  That's about once a week.  I hope it's enough for you. I know it is for me! In the past year, we have had over 18,000 people view the different pages of my moronic musings. It still amazes me that so many people, from all parts of the globe, want to spend a small part of their day keeping up on my fat fight. Obviously, the majority of my readers come from the U.S. But the top five other foreign readers are from, in order, Latvia, France, Russia and Canada. Yup! My second most loyal followers are from Latvia.  The Latvians just can't seem to get enough. Maybe I have the "kevorka" like Kramer on Seinfeld. However, I will not be bathing in garlic to break the spell.

Now the big news of week.  I had my monthly check up with Dr. X and staff at the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness last week.  The news was once again, very good! I lost another 5.5 pounds since late December.  That means I have officially eclipsed the 70 pound loss mark! Yippee! Think about that. Seventy pounds. That's a whole lotta ass and blubber.

I'll bet you didn't know that the following menagerie of items weighs about 70 pounds:
-187 bananas. A full years supply for a large silverback gorilla.
- An average sheet of drywall. That's about 8 foot tall and 5 feet wide. Yup, the size of my old ass.
- $34,019 U.S. dollar bills. Stuff 100 bills in each of your pockets. Now times that by 17 in each. Whew.
- 100 cans of beer. That's 8-1/2 cases of tin and liquid. Think about drinking a twelever in a night out.
- A bag of concrete.
-12-1/2 red bricks.
- 300 apples, 7 large bags of flour and 300 sticks of butter EACH weigh 70 pounds. Sounds like pie ingredients for a small village.
- 5 high performance bicycles.  I got nothing here. I have't ridden a pedal bike since 1975.
- 37,500 plain M&Ms. This is disturbing. These chocolaty delights were a go-to for the former me. I betcha I fired down a couple thousand at least once during a food bender.
- 5  extra large hams. Who here hasn't eaten a whole ham? C'mon don't lie.
- Some reports have the semi-famous Nicole Ritchie checking in at 70 pounds these days.

PLEASE! Get a cheeseburger!

Of course, I'd be remiss if we didn't check back with the family. If you recall, at 50 pounds our average boy was 7 years old and had a medium sized terrier. At 70 pounds, our boy is now 11 and the family canine is now an average Alaskan Husky. My ass is shrinking but the family continues to grow.

It's been almost 11 months since I started this quest.  It has taken a lot of focus and so far the rewards are uplifting. Seventy pounds is a LOT of weight. Hard to believe I have pooped out the equivalent of a 6th grader or a sled dog. Not to mention an aging minor celebrity.

Catch up soon!
JT

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Fighting FAT While Flying

Whew! I just got back from my third road trip in the past few weeks.  I know I haven't been keeping you in the loop. I've been busy! I told you I was going to be gallivanting around the country. So I hope you'll forgive my tardiness. I have certainly felt the wrath of some of our more ardent followers. Believe it or not, there are few fatty fans out there who just can't live without this blathering blog.  One or two are even a bit stalk-ish.

(Note to FeelingFatInFinland: Yes, I got your e-mail. No, I won't send you a photo of my bare ass with all the stretch marks connected in red marker. I can't reach that far. Besides, if you really need to see something like that, a detailed road map of Cincinnati would probably do the trick.)

(Note 2 to BiggunIn Boston: The answers to your questions in order are:  Yes, No, Three at a time, On my head, NEVER!, Boomerang, Oink oink baby and jelly.)

That takes care of this weeks fan mail. I will share more in the future.

OK, now to the news. As previously stated I have been on three roads trips in the last 3 weeks. Staying on my self prescribed 1200 calorie a day plan was difficult. Logging my food choices was not an option.  Eating the right foods all the time was a struggle. Staying away from alcohol was impossible. The bad news is I gained about a pound and a half.  But I think I 'll be able to dump that by Friday after a week of detoxing.

I'm not upset. I'm right where I expected to be. I mean really.  I spent a few nights in the foodie paradise of New Orleans and then 5 nights partying at a golf tourney in Palm Beach. Honestly, I feel pretty much unscathed.  I really did watch my food intake. I ate every meal out. So I tried to eat the right fruits and fishes where possible. I watched my portions.  Other than a small binge on plain M&Ms that were mistakenly sent to my room, I avoided all sweets. Pretty much a home run.

Unfortunately,  Johnny likes his booze. All flavors as a matter of fact. We all know that booze is a secret diet killer.  The more you drink, the thinner you think.  The thinner you think, the more you eat.  It's a vicious circle. Clearly, Mr. Booze (or AL C. Hall as we know him) are the enemies of restraint. And I succumbed repeatedly to their liquor-i-ous offerings. Martinis, Cabernet's and Merlot. Greyhounds, Screwdrivers, Bloody Mari's and a frosty margarita.  As a salute to the Olympics, I even sprinkled a few White Russians in for good measure. A regular cornucopia of adult beverages.

Hell, I get it! It's back on the ol' wagon for me today.  I'm tracking my food, I'm off the sauce and I might even try to get in a workout or two. I'm leaving for the Valley of the Sun in 3 weeks and 4 days. I'm planning on being under 180 when I get on that plane. SO let's do this. Phase 2 of the Deconstruction of Johnny has begun! I have about 28 more pounds to lose by May 2015 according to Dr. X. I might as well start now.

BTW... I saw Dr. X before I left for Florida.  I'll update you on that next time.

Soooo long for now.

Johnny

FAT FANS! Send your questions and comments to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer any questions and read all comments. Who knows, you might even make the blog!

Read This Before Getting a Lap Band (or trying any weight loss program)

We are already in to week three of the year.  How many of you made a resolution to lose weight? Did you promise yourself you were going to lose a few unsightly pounds, or are you thinking about losing the weight of a small Volkswagen? Well, I'm here to tell you that regardless of how much you want to lose, to be successful you've got to get right in the head first. There is a huge chasm between thinking about it and doing it.

The first thing you need to do is ask yourself:
"Self ... am I ready for this? Am I ready to severely change my life?
Am I ready to rethink the way I look at food and drink?
Am I ready to temporarily forego dinner parties, lunches, and various other social functions?
Am I ready to make my weight loss the most important thing in my life?
Am I ready to become more active?
Am I ready to find a plan and stick to it?
Am I ready to have patience?
Am I committed to succeed?

Well, are ya?

If you have answered NO to any of the aforementioned questions, you probably need to rethink your resolution. Whether you're thinking of blowing out 5 pounds of baby fat or 100 pounds of fat ass, the commitment is the same. The only difference is the distance you may travel. Your 5 pounds may take a couple of weeks. Your 100 pounds may take a couple of years. I know this first hand. If you read my previous rant, you'll remember that Dr. X shocked me by telling me that my quest for Thindom is a 2 year journey. All the while, stupid me was banking on being done in one year. So if you're a "biggun" hitting for the fences, face the fact that you're going to be doing this for a while.

Let's talk to possible Lap-Band candidates. Know this. Don't think you're going to go in for your first consultation and schedule a surgery date. That's what I thought. I went in on January 21, 2013 and thought I would schedule my surgery for a few weeks away. Right between some travel plans I had. Oh NAY NAY! I was given a laundry list of things that I needed to accomplish to get scheduled. My doctor told me if I was diligent, I could get it done in 5 months. Yikes! I saw numerous doctors, shrinks, exercise gurus, nutritionists and fat counselors. I went to group therapies and had batteries of test done. I did everything asked of me as quick as possible and it took me 4 months to get the food fighter installed. So potential Lap-Banders ... be ready for that!

Another thing Lap-Band candidates must grasp. This Lap-Band contraption is nothing more than a tool. To be successful, you must find a diet plan your comfortable with and stick to it! Fact is, it will be a while after your surgery that you even feel the device working for you.  In my case, it was at least 5 months of saline injections before I finally felt a small restriction. Even after 8 months, I still am not in the "green zone".  My doctor and nutritionist discuss this every month at my check-in. And every month we're still tweaking it up a bit. It's all part of the process.

Bottom line readers ... If you're trying to lose weight, it's gonna take commitment and time.  I have read many blogs of newbie lap-band patients that are disappointed in their results.  But if you read between the lines it's always the same.  They got the surgery and they are sitting on their collective fat asses waiting for the pounds to melt away. Sorry. That just ain't gonna happen!

Going into month 9, I am bouncing around the 70 pound loss number. I did it by carefully watching my calorie intake of both food and alcohol.  I have gotten more active.  Do I work out? Yes, but I ain't killing myself doing it.  After all, my original goal was just to fit back into my Level 3 pants.  I was never trying to qualify for the Olympics.

I will get back to you when I am firmly under that 70 mark.  Should be real soon!

Johnny

Year End Update and New Year Resolution

A hearty hello to all our fat fanatics worldwide!

As another year comes to an end, I thought this would be an opportune time to do a little self reflecting. After all, it has been an interesting year for me to say the least.

But first, I realize I have been derelict in getting you timely updates on my current status.  Quite frankly, I was reluctant to keep posting because I was afraid of what the holidays and my short vacation were going to do to me.  Well, I have good news to report.  I am down about 2 pounds from the day before Thanksgiving through New Year's Eve! I wanted to be 185 on Thanksgiving.  That didn't quite work out. But I was 186.5 today. WHEW!

I am really pleased with this number. Why? Because I did an above normal amount of dinning out, family parties, traveling and, of course, the social drinking that comes along with it.  I was very conscious of my food intake.  When I dined out, I tried to order the right things, always protein.  Save the sauces.  At Thanksgiving, I loaded up on turkey and ham and passed on potatoes and gravies. On Christmas eve, I feasted on lobster, shrimp an calamari in red sauce. I only had a small mouthful of homemade lasagna to be polite. I also watched my drinking.  You know I had to imbibe, so I drank my bourbon straight and my vodka on the rocks. I had a few excellent Cabernets. I even had two frosty beers. My first since March.  All in all, I made it through the yearly bacchanal virtually unscathed. I consider this VICTORY.  But I can only savor this achievement for a fleeting moment.

Year in review - PHEW! 2013 has been a whirlwind to say the least.

1) My first appointment with Dr. X on a blustery January Monday
2) My first lap band support group meeting
3) My first ever visit to a shrink
4) My conversations with Rajeeve
5) My 14 day pre-op diet
6) My surgery
7) My first unauthorized cocktail

The list goes on.  Suffice to say, last year was a life changer for me. I sit before you today 68 pounds lighter than then the guy that wrote to you in April. That's whole lotta fatass folks.

2014 Resolutions - I have big news for you on this front. I saw Dr. X for my monthly tune up right before Christmas. After he gave me another 1/2 c.c injection, I offhandedly remarked that I wanted to lose about another 20 pounds to get me under my goal of 169.  He immediately whipped a calculator out of his staff coat and started doing some ciphering.  By way of some secret bariatric calculation, he tells my he wants be to be at 150 pounds! I was FLOORED.

ME: "150 pounds?  Are you serious? I mean I haven't weighed 150 pounds since 6th grade!"
Dr. X: " I'm working from a BMI index.  A 28.5 BMI is healthy, but a 25 BMI is golden! That puts you at 150 pounds."
ME: "Is that 150 pounds here on the fat ass scale or 150 pounds in the morning naked on my home scale?"
Dr. X: "I'll take the 150 on your scale."

So I at least got that going for me.

Then he asks me, "When did you have your surgery?"
"May 15" I told him.
"You haven't even been doing this a year! This is a TWO year project.'

You could have knocked me over with a wet noodle.  This whole time I was working on a ONE year time table. I was hoping to get to my goal in April.  But our dear doctor just tagged on another 19 pounds of weight loss! At 2 pounds per month, that's about a year more.  So I guess his math is correct.

"You are doing great. You can do this and I will help you get there." he told me.

Comforting words did little to ease my shock.

But then I started thinking. What's changed? Really nothing.  I have learned a new way of eating.  I am watching my portions and I'm cutting as many empty calories as possible.  So I have to keep counting my calories for another year. So what. I can do it.

Can I really get to 150 pounds? Do I really want to be 150 pounds? I really don't know.  I do know I have a ways to go to get rid of some excess ass and gut fat. I also know I don't want to be the weakling that gets sand kicked in his face at the beach. So when it comes to my new goal.  I guess I'll know it when I feel it.

I'll try and be more prompt with the next update. Until then ... Remember

YOU CAN'T BE TOO RICH OR TOO THIN!