Happy Bandiversary To Me!

Fall 2012

It's a big day here on the Johnny blog. Why, you ask? Because May 15, 2014 marked 1 full year since I got the fancy food fighting apparatus implanted in my bloated belly. That makes May 15 my Bandiversary.  So starting this year, and for all subsequent years of my remaining lifetime, I will celebrate this day. Just like we celebrate other important dates in our lives. If you really think about it, the day I got the Lap-Band installed is both an anniversary and akind of birthday all rolled into one. I surely will always mark the day I decided to shun my fat lifestyle. That's the anniversary part. I was also reborn into a new life.  That's the birthday part.

Nov 2013

Feb. 2013

You loyal readers know that I have had my trials and tribulations along this rocky road. We have found out together that it's really hard to predict how much weight one fat ass fellow can lose in any particular period. It's mighty discouraging to stick to your diet plan and lose 3 pounds one week and gain a pound the next. Your body has it's own time schedule and really doesn't give a poop about your goals.  It does what it wants when it wants. Setting weight goals and achieving them in a specific time period is best guess math. A lot of wishing goes into the goal setting process.

I set a lot of goals when I started this.  I had short term goals that motivated me to get to a specific weight for a targeted vacation date. I had goals of going on aforementioned vacation and returning at a specific weight. I had weight goals for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my trade show in early February. I didn't always make those goals, but they kept me focused on my main goal. That was the long term goal I set on May 13 of last year, two days before I went under the knife. My goal was to be at 169 pounds by my 1 year Bandiversary.

Bandiversary May 15, 2014

Here I am just past my Bandiversary. The date I set to hit 169.  Did I get there? No I did not. I weighed in today at 174 pounds. A lousy 5 pounds away from my long term goal. Am I upset?  NO F###ING WAY! This is a full victory! If someone would have told me last May 15  that I would lose 80 pounds in one year I would have either laughed in their face or kissed them. I am de-F-ing-lighted to be at 174 on my Bandiversary.


One other thing I mentioned in that blog post of 5/13./13 is that I would see where I was at in year and decide where I would go from there. Well now I'm here. As I told you previously, I have decided to remain on the calorie counting program and exercise routine that has brought me this far through December 31, 2014. I'll take a look at where I'm at at that time. If I lose another 15 pounds, so be it. That's where I'll start talking maintenance. I'm still committed to the plan. My plan, my way.

So it's time to celebrate!  Wherever you are tonight, raise a glass and toast to my first Bandiversary! I might celebrate a little as well . If you see me around tonight, the drinks are on me. But make mine a Vitamin water Zero. I still have some work to do.

Thanks to all for the support!

We'll talk soon
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Ass, What Is It Good For?

Hi folks!

Let's start off with the news before today's rant.

I made my way to the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness this past Monday for another visit with my bariatric expert, Dr. X. I also spent some quality time with my nutritionist, the bubbly Ms. K. Bottom line, news all good!

Blood pressure as low as I can remember. Resting heart rate almost at athlete level (Ha!). BMI, 30.1. I am just a couple of BMI ticks away from getting in to the plain overweight category. And the weight loss? Another 4 pounds since my last visit 6 weeks ago. So even if I have been frustrated by the plateauing I'm experiencing,  my fat team is not. They say I am right on track and are thrilled with the continued downward movement. I got another .25ccs pumped into the band and headed home.

So now to something that is currently perplexing me. You all know I have an inquiring mind and some times obsess on trivial things.  Character flaw maybe. But my mental compuslsion to know all things stupid made me start wondering about today's topic ... the human ass. Don't ask me why or how this popped into my head. It just did and now I have to talk about it.

Loyal readers know that I have had a mostly hate relationship with my ass since my prepubescent years. It was always there. Following me. I have ripped through the seats of  more trousers then 20 average men in my lifetime. All because my expanding ass needed more breathing room. I've broken more than my fair share of chairs, benches and chaise lounges because my ass needed extra room to roam. I have suffered painful plane trips, squeezed into unaccommodating seats because my ass was abnormally large. Basically, my ass has been a pain in itself forever. It makes me wonder what the heck the good Lord was thinking when he made the first man and put an ass on him.

If you look at the human body from a layman's view, every part and appendage pretty much has a self explanatory function. Head, protects the brain and houses the eyes, ears and mouth.  Pretty much the control center of the anatomy. Torso built to hold the arms, hands and fingers. All with vital functions.  Legs connect to the knees and feet. Again with obvious functional benefits.  Even the human sex organs are multi-functional. That brings us to the ass.

I can see no value in the ass. Sure, it warehouses an exit port. But that could of been placed in another strategic area during the prototype development. The ass, for the most part, is not beautiful. Before you ass men jump down my throat, think about it.  Aside from the unobtainable supermodel, much of the ass we see is pretty mundane. Let's not even get in to the male ass. Very unattractive.  And sometimes hairy.

The only good thing about the ass is the names that come along with it. Butt, bottom, tush, rear, fanny, rump and the pleasant sounding derriere, are just a few that have made their way into our vernacular.  It's never good to be called an ass or worse, an ass exit port.  You can joke about a butt, but you never want to be the but of a joke. You never want to fall behind because you can end up at the bottom on your posterior.  And you don't want to take a back seat to anybody!

Nope, I can't see real value in the ass. Other than sitting on it, it performs no real function. This is why I decided to end my relationship with my ass. I have shrunk it to a relatively normal size so far.  Enough that it doesn't stick out in a crowd anymore. But that's not enough. I want it gone. Yup. It's bye bye buttocks for me.

Let's talk soon.
jt

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!