Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Like Sands in the Hour Glass ....

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Seven days from tomorrow, at 6:15 am, I will arrive at the hospital for the procedure. I don't mind telling you that it has been a bit tough sleeping as of late. I am constantly re validating my choice to take this GIANT step. I am just as nervous as I am excited to get past this and on to my new food restricted life. I am not a brave person by nature.  Just the thought of some strange man poking holes in my stomach and shoving an Ipod Nano looking contraption in there gives me the hee-bee gee-bees. Not to mention the anestestiologist , annasteggiolsit, uh... the gassing dude. Some guy, or gal, who I have never met before is going to come and introduce thimself to me five minutes before we start. Then he will administer the knock out concoction that will send me to la-la land. What if it turns out to be some guy I gave a wedgie to in grammar school? They say payback is a bitch. Or, perish the thought, Rajeeve's cousin! I'll really be in for it then.

I had the pre-op appointment with the smarmy Dr. X on Monday.  He was surely a pleasant fellow and did his best to allay all my fears and explain the procedure and the recovery.  If you're imagining a tall, dark and handsome Dr. Kildare type, think again. Dr. X is tall and lanky alright.  I'd say mid 40ish. He's also a little bit light in the hair department. He is definitely no candidate for dreadlocks should he decide to go off and find himself. I detected a NY accent and quickly determined he hails from Long Island.  But he's been here so long, he swears he's a Bears fan. I sure hope so.  It could be just my luck to end up with a pissed off wedgie victim and a NY Giants fan.  He's probably still sour about that muffed punt in 1985. Our visit was over in 30 minutes and I felt much better about my decision.


Before

After

Thanks to a post by Lap Band Gal, another one of my muses, I found out that Rex Ryan, head coach of the NY Jets, had lap band surgery last year and has slimmed way the hell down! And his fat ass, hippie looking brother, Rob, now an assistant NFL coach, just got it installed a few months ago.  More validation!

Then comes breaking news this morning! The fat ass governor of the state of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who I think is very cool, secretly had lap band surgery a few months ago.  He checked into a hospital back east on President's Day under a fake name and got the food restricter installed! He says he did it because he just turned 50 and wanted to see his kids grow up. I may be the only one who believes that.  Most everybody else is saying he's getting to his fightin' weight to run for president. Either way, it was just more of the validation I need.  If it's good enough for a possible future president, it's good enough for a fat kid from the west side. Word is he's lost 40 pounds so far. I wonder if he was motivated by some fat ass guy's blog from the Midwest?  Hmmmmm. Coincidence?

I'm getting more validation everyday! The Lap Band is being embraced by fat ass shlubs and celebrities everywhere. It's become the PHAT "thing" to do. I even saw a Lap Band commercial on Judge Judy the other day. I guess I have always been a trend setter. But a Fashionista? I don't know.

Talk soon
JT






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