As we approach Johnny's Day of Reckoning, we are also approaching 3000 page views on the blog from fit, fine, flabby and fat asses worldwide! Outside of our loyal U.S. viewers, I seem to big in Germany, Russia and the U.K. Go figure. I think it's because the universal language of fat ass resonates with people of all races, religions and national origins all across the globe. Or it could just be my affinity for vodka that draws us together. Whatever, we are doing a great job of getting the Johnny word out. However, we are not doing a good job of getting followers to the blog. So, when you get your fill today, go to the right side of the page and become a follower. It will encourage me to blog on into the future. After all, we need to see where all this hoopla leads.
The encouragement I am getting from friends and family is truly overwhelming. It is truly appreciated and is absolutely helping me to keep my eyes on the prize. The "prize." What exactly is the prize? It's the goal, of course! The one question that I seemed to get asked 100 times a day is "what's your goal?". I have to admit that this is an excellent question. I have struggled to answer many of you because, truth be told, I am really not sure of my final goal. I think everyone wants to hear a number like "I wanna weigh x pounds" or "I wanna lose x pounds". Yeah, each of those may be A goal. But if I look at the grand scenario (big picture), I think my goals are many. For the first time, I shall try and focus and list them for you. Hmmmm, let's see .... Ok here goes. These may not be in the exact order of completion but are important none-the-less.
1) Do not die in surgery. This is my first and most important goal. If I fail to make it out of surgery, you will be deprived of all my future insane rantings and Rajeeve and company will still get paid. Bummer all the way around.
2) Make it through the next 4weeks of complete food restriction. First 2 weeks, liquids only, second 2 weeks "smashie" foods. I should be ready to eat a house by the end of this period. I suggest keeping all pets and small children clear of me.
3A) Fit comfortably back into my underwear. Waistband rollover and crack creeping are no laughing matter.
3B) Fit comfortably back in to my Level 1 wardrobe. Currently my pants have something in common with a cheap motel. No ballroom. Not a fun way to go through a day at the office.
4) Heal up well enough to play golf and get active.
5) Reinvent my eating habits. I was warned by the bubbly Ms. K not to try ANY food before I have consumed it at home in the presence of a nearby commode. Different foods affect all Bandsters differently. I can't risk spewing my mac and cheese on a client or my boss. I can't see that being a good career move.
6) Get a Go-To eating list. I need to have list of food and drink that I will for sure feel comfortable eating any time, anywhere. Once I have this licked, I can start to live a normal life again.
7) Get more active. During this process, I learned that all my of thin friends are experts on dieting and exercise. Yep. All of them. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a diet tip or exercise plan that they think will work for me. I have been told to do everything from eating some weird seeds to running 5 miles a day to riding a bike across a farm state. C'mon people! I can't go from ZERO to a gold medal performance in a week and a half. I need to find an activity that works for me on my timeline. Enter Trainer L. She has given me some sound direction. I think I will read it now.
8) Develop a sound diet plan. Once I know what I can stomach food wise and what my exercise tolerance is, I will need to solid diet plan to stick to until March 1, 2014. There, that's a goal. Be it a calorie watch, a carb count or a weight watcher, I want to stick to it until spring of 2014. At that time, we'll see where we are at and evaluate our next move. The bubbly Ms. K will be guiding me along in this process, so I am not alone.
9) Make the Vegas trip with some type of golf swing. I will make the annual trip with the wrecking crew in October for our yearly golf tournament. I plan on being able to eat and drink like a normal person. Relax, this doesn't mean party my ass off. It means not fretting about hurling every time I press something past my lips. If I do OK on this trip I can consider ramping up my travel schedule again. There are people and places yet to be discovered.
10) The number. Let's talk about "the number". I looked at one of those height and weight charts insurance companies use. For my height and body build it suggests I should weigh in the 120s. Ha ha. Becoming a jockey and riding in next year's Derby is NOT a goal. When I got back from college, I briefly visited the 160s after a strict diet in my early twenties. I think that's a good place to start. Let's go with 169. There... you have it! 169 or bust.
Ladies and gentlemen. In three days, the "Road to 169" begins. There is no time table or road map to get there. It's going to have to take a lot of self discovery and self control to get there. Two things that I have not excelled at in the past. But, having a surgical team install an anti-eating device in my blubbery body is a sure sign of my commitment. Keep the encouragement coming. It always helps. And if you see my car parked in a Steak-N-Shake drive through, please report it to the authorities immediately.
Post surgery discomfort aside, I will try and get back to you by week's end and let you know how it went. Fingers crossed!
See you on the other side!
jt
P.S. I did make sure Tuesdays are not Dr. X's card night out with the boys. He assured me he won't be nursing a hangover when he starts the drilling. So I got that going for me... which is good.
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