Still Teetering on the Precipice of Success

Hello again everybody. I know you're expecting big news here so let's get that out of the way.  The answer is NO. No I have not broken the 170 pound mark and I am not writing to you sitting on my 160-something pound ass. In fact, since our last visit, I bumped up about a pound. Damn swings. Damn plateaus.

As much as I am prone to do, I cannot complain and /or blame anybody else but myself. My active summer schedule has taken my focus off my flab fight. I have not been counting my calories. I have not been diligent with my workouts. I HAVE been living the good life. Good life for me, anyway. And you know what? I haven't gone food crazy. I haven't gained weight other than a paltry swing pound which could have been caused by a hydration issue or simply by driving past a McDonalds. Even though I have not visited a fast food joint in over 14 months, my seat belt still tightens up when I drive past a fast food row. Part of my bad metabolism.

I did get in to see Dr. X last week for my first visit in 2 months. We had good news.  Although I feel I have been struggling, the giant fat ass scale reported a 1.88 kilo loss! That's 4 pounds in American English. I was surprised and the doctor was happy. I guess it's a win-win. In fact, the weight loss news has me a little more invigorated to kick it up a notch.

After my BP was taken (110/72), the doc and I had had another conversation about where I wanted to land weight-wise. Since I have finally fallen beneath the "obese" BMI measure, the doc says it's really up to me. We discussed the numbers. I'm in a medium golf shirt. I don't want to go into a small. I'm close to a 34 waist. I'm really good with that. I'm about 7 ounces away from the 169 goal. So to me, I am just about home. I told him I would like to get to about 164 on my scale at home in the morning in my birthday suit because of the 3 pound swing. That's about 8 more pounds. I also told him, I'm sticking with my current plan until New Year's eve.  Then it will be maintenance, no matter what the score is. We were in agreement.

Then he asked me if I am getting that "full" feeling after I eat. Answer: No. I really haven't felt that "full" feeling since April 7, 2013. The day before my quest began. He told me that I should be feeling full after meals and that we should tighten up the band yet again. As always, I complied. I undid my shirt, laid down and took the needle to my protruding port valve.

As excited as I was to get the help to get me to the Lap-Band  green zone, I must confess that I was a little worried about pumping up ol' Bandy. Ya see, since I had my last adjustment 2 months ago, there was an incident. I was eating lunch at my desk.  It was left over turkey breast. Perhaps a little too dry. Or maybe I wasn't concentrating and eating too fast. Or possibly ate too big of a bite. Any-whoo, it got stuck. This caused me to "slime" uncontrollably into my office waste basket for over an hour until I finally regurgitated the last bites of the undigested fowl. Getting "stuck" hurts like hell and the refunding is no fun either. I told Doc that this was the first time this happened to me since my surgery in May 2013. He said I was "lucky". Most bandsters struggle with this numerous times until they find their personal green zones and learn how to work with their bands.

Well, I guess I'm a lucky bandster! I have only tossed my cookies once in a year and three months. This last injection was .33ccs. I can really feel the difference now. I am almost starting to feel full after meals, but I really have to pay attention to what I am eating and how fast I'm shoveling it down.
Renewed focus.

I'm going back to see Dr. X again in 2 months.  Then I will be released with only a yearly appointment recommended.

My journey is fast approaching the finish line. Once I get rid off these last few pounds, it will be time for us to say our good byes and move on. But fear not my fat following friends, Dr. X says it will take me about 6 months to lose the rest of this midriff bulge.  So you got THAT going for you!

See ya real soon!

Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Inching Closer to Finish Line

Hello again fat fans! I know it's been a while since we chatted so I wanted to give you a little update on what's going on in Johnny world.

I have been busy, busy, busy! Summer always does this to me. Anyone who lives here in the upper Midwest gets it. We are basically home bound by six months of crappy weather. So when the temps heat up, so do our calendars. I'm no exception to this. While I try and get away a couple of times in our unbearable winters, it surely is no substitute for the sun and fun of summer. It seems I have something to do at least 4 days a week now. Of course, most of these fun filled events come with great offerings of food and drink. It's what we Americans do. We get together and we eat and drink.

Being a well socialized individual, I jump right into these soirees whenever possible. This obviously presents a problem for the dieting Johnny. Food and adult beverages are my temptress. The bane of my existence. So I have to party cautiously. I struggle every moment to just say no. I'm still in the early stages of my fat recovery process. For the most part, I am winning the fight with my addiction.

A few cases in point. I had guests in for 5 days of golf, dinning, drinking and your basic man fun thing. I ate, and I certainly drank. Like a normal person. The following week I hit the scale and added a few pounds.  But I got right back on my plan and was back to where I was before I started the week long fiesta. That's a win.

About a week ago, I left town and went fishing in Central America with a few clients.  It was like these guys never get out.  They went deep for three nights eating and drinking until they couldn't eat or drink anymore. I survived. I made wise food choices and somewhat controlled my beverage intake. But I did rekindle my affinity for cold beer! And I found out I can handle it band-wise pretty well. I came back from this 5 day jaunt about 4 pounds up. I got right back on plan. It took about a week for me to purge the cervezas and salt water bloat from my body. But in the end, I weighed less that when I left. win # 2.

This week, even after several dinners out, I hit the scale at 170.7.  A measly pound away from the holy grail of the 160s. I'm getting so close I could taste it. Maybe that's the wrong metaphor. I would only taste it if it was low cal. Never-the-less, a paltry pound lies between me and my goal. SO CLOSE ... yet so far away! Life always throws curveballs. Diets throw yo-yos.

There it is family, friends and fat fans across the globe. I . Am. Almost. There.

The next time you here from me, I will be 169 point something. Anything in the 169 area counts as a victory. But it's not the end.  Because of the aforementioned 3 pound swings, I'll need to lose another 5 pounds or so. So the quest will continue until Santa Claus comes to town. Too bad my calendar is filled again this week. I know I could hit it by Friday. But, hey, life's too short. I'll get there when I get there.

Party on Garth!

JT

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Phew! A Tough Stretch Negotiated

I am back!

Was I out of town? Was I called away on a crucial business trip? Did I get lost in the woods? Was I kidnapped by an over zealous fat fan? The answers are .... No, no, no and no.

I was in town all right.  But I was sure off the Lap Band radar screen.

The last 10 days may have been the longest so far since I started my fat fight that I have been away from the comforts of my eating regiment. You see, I have been in golfer's paradise.  Ten straight days of chasing a little white ball all in the name of customer satisfaction and charity. Sure, golf is a fun filled getaway.  But 10 days in a row? Truth be told, it got to be a bit grueling.

I can hear all of you shouting "poor guy had to play golf for 10 days ....awwww". I'm not complaining. I would do it again next week if I had to. But I would not want to. I was completely exhausted by Saturday night.  But I learned a couple of valuable lessons during this past golf-a-thon.

The first thing I learned is that my new body is much more able to handle the physicality of walking, swinging and handling the heat than it was previously.  I don't think the formerly fat Johnny could have done it. I might have died from overexertion, heat exhaustion, or a bad case of thigh chaffing. Yep, I was ready for this. I handled it probably better than most men my age. Between walking and riding, I still managed to put close to 40 miles on my petite feet.

The next thing I learned is of equal importance. I learned that I could be away from my home base in the fat bunker and eat like a normal person and not have a devastating weight gain. When I say eat normal, I mean normal for a guy watching his weight. I made the best food choices available to me at every meal. Cheeseburgers with all the trimmins' on a sesame bun? No. A hamburger patty with a slice of cheese, a little onion and tomato topped with low calorie mustard? Bring it on! Pasta salad...nope. Cookies ... nope. Heat beating ice cream ... unfortunately not.  I opted for a fresh fruit smoothie.  With just a touch of rum.

The week-plus adventure did have a shocking scale moment. I actually panicked one morning when my scale showed I had a 4 pound swing upward. I was shocked.  It had to be the  alcohol forcing my body to take on water like a ship with a hole in the hull. So Sunday came and I started drinking more water. It worked. I'm glad to say that this morning I weighed in at 172.5.  A loss of a pound through this period and a mere 3 pounds from the 160's. Victory.

I guess the other thing I learned is that when I retire I can't play golf everyday like I have always dreamed of doing.  I'll need another hobby to occupy my off days.  Fishing? Maybe. Jogging? Doubtful.

See ya next time.

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

The 3 Pound Swing

Hello again fat fans.  It's time for another quick update from the fat bunker.

Let's get this out of the way FIRST.  No, I did not hit my goal. I am still 3-5 pounds away from my holy grail. That's what brings me to today's topic: The 3 pound swing.

You probably were puzzled when I told you I was 3 to 5 pounds away from goal. How can that be you wonder. The reason is the 3 pound swing. Every morning when I hit my fancy FitBit scale and await my daily dose of euphoria or disappointment, I am faced with numbers that don't make sense. One morning I am at 172.5, just 3 pounds shy of this dieter's ecstasy, the next marooning I'm at 175. Another 6 pounds to go. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my fluctuations of flab.

The most frustrating feelings hit me during the morning weigh in following a day when I stuck to the script. Meaning I stayed within my 1200-1400 calories, did my exercises, drank my fluids AND still show a gain.  That really frosts my privates. Being a typical man, I am always looking for instant gratification. It is bad enough not to lose any weight when I'm a good boy, but it's really a downer to show a gain.  What's a guy to do?

There is one thing I know for sure. If I stray off the plan with a few cocktails and a couple of meals out over the weekend, I am guaranteed to show the full 3 pound swing on Monday morning. It doesn't matter that I walked 10 miles and made good food choices.  If I have those cocktails, I'm in for a rude awaking on the Monday morning weigh in.  I know now why my weight loss muse, LapBand Girl, only weighs in on Fridays. Once I get to the promised land that's what I'm gonna do too. Weigh in one day a week on Friday.

Because of the 3 pound swing, us fat fighters need to remember that you goal really isn't your goal. Our real goal needs to be at least 5 pounds under our original goal. We need to plan for the swings. There is no avoiding them for any weight maintenance endeavor. So fat fighters... GO LOW!

Summer's full bloom and my constant plateauing, have made the last month a little tough to bare. I sneaked down to 2.5 pounds away and bounced back to 5 pounds away. I'll keep working out and walking and watching what goes in to my big trap and keep hoping for a breakthrough.  When I hit that magic number, ya'll will be the first to know. After my neighbors of course.  They will have to put up with the early morning hooping and hollering.

More to come.

J

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

T Minus 3.5 and Counting

Greetings and salutations to all from the fat bunker.

My journey to rid my body of oodles of excess blubber and reduce my ass to normal size is entering the home stretch. My fancy FitBit scale told me I am only 3.5 pounds of my original goal of 169 pounds! This is FACT, not FATasy. In an average run-of-the-mill life, I could knock this out in a month.  I could hit the 169 by Independence Day. But mine is not a typical life.

While the finish line is definitely in sight, the final passage is fraught with obstacles. We are, of course, speaking of my challenging social life. My goal would be much more attainable if I sat at home, counted my calories and did my workouts. But life calls! After a brutal winter and harsh spring, it's time to get out and enjoy the few months of nice weather we get in these parts. That means dining out, hanging with  ultra thin foodies and doing the dance with Al C. Hall at least a few times a week.  Throw in the fact that I have guests coming in from out of town for a 4 day golf and food bacchanalia in the middle of the month, my challenges are enormous. Maybe I should just strive to achieve no weight gain during this period instead of focusing on a loss. Or maybe I just keep doing what I'm doing and let the chips fall.

Although I have greatly changed my lifestyle as far as food and drinking are concerned, I still imbibe things that I know will impede my weight loss. I always try and make the best food choices that are available to me at the time. Unfortunately, the prevailing host or chef does not always consider that a struggling fatass may be partaking of the provided fare. So great food choices are not always an option.  Sometimes you gotta go with the best of the worst. Case in point.  Last weekend I was at an outing.  I hadn't eaten all day, I was starving. A buffet was offered with greasy burgers, brats and some type of fried chicken. But then I saw a little station right around the corner serving fish tacos. I woofed down a couple of those to try and keep with the plan. It would have been easy to grab a bun and slimy cheeseburger (and God knows I wanted one!). But the fish tacos did the trick.  Not 100% on the plan, but passable in a pinch. That worked this time.

When I am out of fat bunker, I constantly have to make the right choices when it comes to any food or drink. Constantly. Did I say always? This all goes back to what we talked about before. Our food culture.  Everything grown ups do usually ends up with a barbecue, dinner out, beers, drinks or a pizza.  Just not a good place for a struggling fatass to be. But, hey, life happens! So I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna eat the right stuff when I can and I'm definitely gonna have a few adult beverages here and there. I may be eating a piece of salmon and a salad accompanied by a light white wine, but you will all know that I will be lusting for a greasy cheeseburger, fries and jumbo Margarita. With salt. Let's just keep this our little secret.

Until next time,
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Happy Bandiversary To Me!

Fall 2012

It's a big day here on the Johnny blog. Why, you ask? Because May 15, 2014 marked 1 full year since I got the fancy food fighting apparatus implanted in my bloated belly. That makes May 15 my Bandiversary.  So starting this year, and for all subsequent years of my remaining lifetime, I will celebrate this day. Just like we celebrate other important dates in our lives. If you really think about it, the day I got the Lap-Band installed is both an anniversary and akind of birthday all rolled into one. I surely will always mark the day I decided to shun my fat lifestyle. That's the anniversary part. I was also reborn into a new life.  That's the birthday part.

Nov 2013

Feb. 2013

You loyal readers know that I have had my trials and tribulations along this rocky road. We have found out together that it's really hard to predict how much weight one fat ass fellow can lose in any particular period. It's mighty discouraging to stick to your diet plan and lose 3 pounds one week and gain a pound the next. Your body has it's own time schedule and really doesn't give a poop about your goals.  It does what it wants when it wants. Setting weight goals and achieving them in a specific time period is best guess math. A lot of wishing goes into the goal setting process.

I set a lot of goals when I started this.  I had short term goals that motivated me to get to a specific weight for a targeted vacation date. I had goals of going on aforementioned vacation and returning at a specific weight. I had weight goals for Thanksgiving, Christmas and my trade show in early February. I didn't always make those goals, but they kept me focused on my main goal. That was the long term goal I set on May 13 of last year, two days before I went under the knife. My goal was to be at 169 pounds by my 1 year Bandiversary.

Bandiversary May 15, 2014

Here I am just past my Bandiversary. The date I set to hit 169.  Did I get there? No I did not. I weighed in today at 174 pounds. A lousy 5 pounds away from my long term goal. Am I upset?  NO F###ING WAY! This is a full victory! If someone would have told me last May 15  that I would lose 80 pounds in one year I would have either laughed in their face or kissed them. I am de-F-ing-lighted to be at 174 on my Bandiversary.


One other thing I mentioned in that blog post of 5/13./13 is that I would see where I was at in year and decide where I would go from there. Well now I'm here. As I told you previously, I have decided to remain on the calorie counting program and exercise routine that has brought me this far through December 31, 2014. I'll take a look at where I'm at at that time. If I lose another 15 pounds, so be it. That's where I'll start talking maintenance. I'm still committed to the plan. My plan, my way.

So it's time to celebrate!  Wherever you are tonight, raise a glass and toast to my first Bandiversary! I might celebrate a little as well . If you see me around tonight, the drinks are on me. But make mine a Vitamin water Zero. I still have some work to do.

Thanks to all for the support!

We'll talk soon
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Ass, What Is It Good For?

Hi folks!

Let's start off with the news before today's rant.

I made my way to the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness this past Monday for another visit with my bariatric expert, Dr. X. I also spent some quality time with my nutritionist, the bubbly Ms. K. Bottom line, news all good!

Blood pressure as low as I can remember. Resting heart rate almost at athlete level (Ha!). BMI, 30.1. I am just a couple of BMI ticks away from getting in to the plain overweight category. And the weight loss? Another 4 pounds since my last visit 6 weeks ago. So even if I have been frustrated by the plateauing I'm experiencing,  my fat team is not. They say I am right on track and are thrilled with the continued downward movement. I got another .25ccs pumped into the band and headed home.

So now to something that is currently perplexing me. You all know I have an inquiring mind and some times obsess on trivial things.  Character flaw maybe. But my mental compuslsion to know all things stupid made me start wondering about today's topic ... the human ass. Don't ask me why or how this popped into my head. It just did and now I have to talk about it.

Loyal readers know that I have had a mostly hate relationship with my ass since my prepubescent years. It was always there. Following me. I have ripped through the seats of  more trousers then 20 average men in my lifetime. All because my expanding ass needed more breathing room. I've broken more than my fair share of chairs, benches and chaise lounges because my ass needed extra room to roam. I have suffered painful plane trips, squeezed into unaccommodating seats because my ass was abnormally large. Basically, my ass has been a pain in itself forever. It makes me wonder what the heck the good Lord was thinking when he made the first man and put an ass on him.

If you look at the human body from a layman's view, every part and appendage pretty much has a self explanatory function. Head, protects the brain and houses the eyes, ears and mouth.  Pretty much the control center of the anatomy. Torso built to hold the arms, hands and fingers. All with vital functions.  Legs connect to the knees and feet. Again with obvious functional benefits.  Even the human sex organs are multi-functional. That brings us to the ass.

I can see no value in the ass. Sure, it warehouses an exit port. But that could of been placed in another strategic area during the prototype development. The ass, for the most part, is not beautiful. Before you ass men jump down my throat, think about it.  Aside from the unobtainable supermodel, much of the ass we see is pretty mundane. Let's not even get in to the male ass. Very unattractive.  And sometimes hairy.

The only good thing about the ass is the names that come along with it. Butt, bottom, tush, rear, fanny, rump and the pleasant sounding derriere, are just a few that have made their way into our vernacular.  It's never good to be called an ass or worse, an ass exit port.  You can joke about a butt, but you never want to be the but of a joke. You never want to fall behind because you can end up at the bottom on your posterior.  And you don't want to take a back seat to anybody!

Nope, I can't see real value in the ass. Other than sitting on it, it performs no real function. This is why I decided to end my relationship with my ass. I have shrunk it to a relatively normal size so far.  Enough that it doesn't stick out in a crowd anymore. But that's not enough. I want it gone. Yup. It's bye bye buttocks for me.

Let's talk soon.
jt

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!