He's Baaaaack!

Hello .... is anybody out there?

I think that's the opening line from an old Pink Floyd classic.  But totally relates here. I haven't written a post since September of 2014. That's a year and half of silence. Quiet... listen ... can you hear my waist expanding?

Well, I'm back here blabbing because I've had a blip in the wrong direction. Nothing catastrophic, just an attention getter. Here's the skinny. (maybe the wrong choice of words)

When I left you last I hit 169.2 pounds. My original goal. I had planned on trying to get to around 165 because I knew there would be an upward bounce once I tried living and eating like a normal human. Well, I was right on that account. Unfortunately, I bounced up from 169. I leveled off at around 172 pounds.

Truth be told, I was happy living at the 172 pound level for most of the last year and a half. I was still easily fitting in my new wardrobe. I felt pretty good. I stopped obsessing on daily weigh ins. I wasn't really watching what I ate. I was just living like a normal person. Then it happened. It, being this last holiday season.

For me, the holiday season starts before Thanksgiving and runs right through the 10th of January. The day after wife L's birthday. It's difficult for me to count the number of luncheons, holiday parties, birthday parties, dinners and family get togethers that I attend during this time. Not to mention that I squeezed in a full week of my yearly drinkcation to the Caribbean. Bushels of NOT GOOD for a former fat guy. I basically took my eye off the ball.

Last Sunday I put on a pair of newer jeans. Something was wrong. I immediately wanted to blame wife L for a laundry error. She must have shrunk these. Then it dawned on me that I better check with my arch enemy ... my fancy Fitbit scale.  Surely, this old nemesis would prove that "she who must be obeyed" left these denim babies in the hot water way too long. Right?

Confidently, I approached the dusty electronic unit. I made sure I moved it to a level spot, then boldly jumped on. I was gripped by terror! I got off and made sure the scale was in the middle of a level tile. I turned it 180 degrees. I stepped on again looking for a different answer. No such luck. Wife L was vindicated. It wasn't her fault. She did not shrink these bloody jeans.

I then ran to the mirror in my skivvies. I peered intensely at my midsection. I dropped my head in shame.

You may be thinking I gained 40 pounds. I did not. The scale said 176.4 pounds. Only 4 pounds from my former cruising weight. But it felt like 40 pounds to me.  I must also add that since we talked last, I have added 2 birthdays, sending me into my latter 50's. Advancing age has delivered noticeable cargo shifting.  Things aren't where they used to be just 2 short years ago.

I could not let this stand. I knew it was time to refocus.

So I am back baby!

Monday, I started counting my calories again. I started being vigilant about what I eat again. I kicked up my workouts. And I set a new goal for myself. 164. Yup.  I'm gonna try and get to 164 by April. I need to have that number to keep my eye on the prize.

This week has been good so far.  Back to the old menu, plenty of water and commitment to exercise. It's already working. I was at 173.8 this morning.  Can I hit 164?  Dunno. I do know that if I don't pay attention, I'll be a weeble again in no time!

Stay tuned and let's see where this goes.

Over and out,

Johnny

Believe It !!!!

Greetings once again wobble watchers!

I know it's been awhile since we talked. I'm not shunning you. I just didn't have a lot to tell you. Basically, your formerly pudgy pundit has been mired in the 170.5 to 172 pound range for several months. Wallowing at the doorstep of the 160s has been frustrating to say the least.  But I only have myself to blame. As reported to you previously, I have been keeping a pretty good eye on my food intake and keeping active. However, the summer's many social engagements have had me dancing with my personal devil, the weight loss killer himself, good 'ol Al. C. Hall. (That's al-co-hol for you newcomers). Yes, I have been living a normal person's life for the past few months so I kept my expectations low and low results is what I got.

Well, imagine my surprise this morning when I stepped up on to my fancy FitBit scale, ensconced in nothing but my birthday suit, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, looked down expecting the same report and then ... It can't be. I refocused and looked again. Staring back at me was the holy grail I have been seeking. My scale said 169.2.  I have reached my goal.

I didn't yell "whoopee". I didn't dance a fanciful jig. I did what any normal person of this new millennia would do. I rushed downstairs in full undress and grabbed my phone.  I needed a picture of this to prove it to you and for me to always remember the moment. After 16 months and three days of various trials and tribulations, my efforts have finally received the final payment. I made it.

So that's the BIG news of the day.  The journey has been completed. Johnny has been fully deconstructed. Somewhere, someone is saying " I didn't think that fat ass could do it." Well, poo on you.  I did do it. I sit here today, weighing 169 pounds.  Roughly the same weight I was circa 1973. Eighth grade.

Fat fans, this is not the end.  Remember I'm sticking with this plan until January 1, 2015.  Wherever I land at that time is where I will start maintenance. So we have a few more months to spend together. I have a mancation to Vegas and fatcation to St. Maarten (the ultimate eating and drinking paradise) scheduled between now and then. I know I will be challenged every minute of those getaways. So stay tuned.  Let's see if I can stay in the 160s by New Year's eve. Plus, there will always be some good stories to tell.

Until next time,
Johnny signing off at 169.2 pounds.

 

 

Still Teetering on the Precipice of Success

Hello again everybody. I know you're expecting big news here so let's get that out of the way.  The answer is NO. No I have not broken the 170 pound mark and I am not writing to you sitting on my 160-something pound ass. In fact, since our last visit, I bumped up about a pound. Damn swings. Damn plateaus.

As much as I am prone to do, I cannot complain and /or blame anybody else but myself. My active summer schedule has taken my focus off my flab fight. I have not been counting my calories. I have not been diligent with my workouts. I HAVE been living the good life. Good life for me, anyway. And you know what? I haven't gone food crazy. I haven't gained weight other than a paltry swing pound which could have been caused by a hydration issue or simply by driving past a McDonalds. Even though I have not visited a fast food joint in over 14 months, my seat belt still tightens up when I drive past a fast food row. Part of my bad metabolism.

I did get in to see Dr. X last week for my first visit in 2 months. We had good news.  Although I feel I have been struggling, the giant fat ass scale reported a 1.88 kilo loss! That's 4 pounds in American English. I was surprised and the doctor was happy. I guess it's a win-win. In fact, the weight loss news has me a little more invigorated to kick it up a notch.

After my BP was taken (110/72), the doc and I had had another conversation about where I wanted to land weight-wise. Since I have finally fallen beneath the "obese" BMI measure, the doc says it's really up to me. We discussed the numbers. I'm in a medium golf shirt. I don't want to go into a small. I'm close to a 34 waist. I'm really good with that. I'm about 7 ounces away from the 169 goal. So to me, I am just about home. I told him I would like to get to about 164 on my scale at home in the morning in my birthday suit because of the 3 pound swing. That's about 8 more pounds. I also told him, I'm sticking with my current plan until New Year's eve.  Then it will be maintenance, no matter what the score is. We were in agreement.

Then he asked me if I am getting that "full" feeling after I eat. Answer: No. I really haven't felt that "full" feeling since April 7, 2013. The day before my quest began. He told me that I should be feeling full after meals and that we should tighten up the band yet again. As always, I complied. I undid my shirt, laid down and took the needle to my protruding port valve.

As excited as I was to get the help to get me to the Lap-Band  green zone, I must confess that I was a little worried about pumping up ol' Bandy. Ya see, since I had my last adjustment 2 months ago, there was an incident. I was eating lunch at my desk.  It was left over turkey breast. Perhaps a little too dry. Or maybe I wasn't concentrating and eating too fast. Or possibly ate too big of a bite. Any-whoo, it got stuck. This caused me to "slime" uncontrollably into my office waste basket for over an hour until I finally regurgitated the last bites of the undigested fowl. Getting "stuck" hurts like hell and the refunding is no fun either. I told Doc that this was the first time this happened to me since my surgery in May 2013. He said I was "lucky". Most bandsters struggle with this numerous times until they find their personal green zones and learn how to work with their bands.

Well, I guess I'm a lucky bandster! I have only tossed my cookies once in a year and three months. This last injection was .33ccs. I can really feel the difference now. I am almost starting to feel full after meals, but I really have to pay attention to what I am eating and how fast I'm shoveling it down.
Renewed focus.

I'm going back to see Dr. X again in 2 months.  Then I will be released with only a yearly appointment recommended.

My journey is fast approaching the finish line. Once I get rid off these last few pounds, it will be time for us to say our good byes and move on. But fear not my fat following friends, Dr. X says it will take me about 6 months to lose the rest of this midriff bulge.  So you got THAT going for you!

See ya real soon!

Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Inching Closer to Finish Line

Hello again fat fans! I know it's been a while since we chatted so I wanted to give you a little update on what's going on in Johnny world.

I have been busy, busy, busy! Summer always does this to me. Anyone who lives here in the upper Midwest gets it. We are basically home bound by six months of crappy weather. So when the temps heat up, so do our calendars. I'm no exception to this. While I try and get away a couple of times in our unbearable winters, it surely is no substitute for the sun and fun of summer. It seems I have something to do at least 4 days a week now. Of course, most of these fun filled events come with great offerings of food and drink. It's what we Americans do. We get together and we eat and drink.

Being a well socialized individual, I jump right into these soirees whenever possible. This obviously presents a problem for the dieting Johnny. Food and adult beverages are my temptress. The bane of my existence. So I have to party cautiously. I struggle every moment to just say no. I'm still in the early stages of my fat recovery process. For the most part, I am winning the fight with my addiction.

A few cases in point. I had guests in for 5 days of golf, dinning, drinking and your basic man fun thing. I ate, and I certainly drank. Like a normal person. The following week I hit the scale and added a few pounds.  But I got right back on my plan and was back to where I was before I started the week long fiesta. That's a win.

About a week ago, I left town and went fishing in Central America with a few clients.  It was like these guys never get out.  They went deep for three nights eating and drinking until they couldn't eat or drink anymore. I survived. I made wise food choices and somewhat controlled my beverage intake. But I did rekindle my affinity for cold beer! And I found out I can handle it band-wise pretty well. I came back from this 5 day jaunt about 4 pounds up. I got right back on plan. It took about a week for me to purge the cervezas and salt water bloat from my body. But in the end, I weighed less that when I left. win # 2.

This week, even after several dinners out, I hit the scale at 170.7.  A measly pound away from the holy grail of the 160s. I'm getting so close I could taste it. Maybe that's the wrong metaphor. I would only taste it if it was low cal. Never-the-less, a paltry pound lies between me and my goal. SO CLOSE ... yet so far away! Life always throws curveballs. Diets throw yo-yos.

There it is family, friends and fat fans across the globe. I . Am. Almost. There.

The next time you here from me, I will be 169 point something. Anything in the 169 area counts as a victory. But it's not the end.  Because of the aforementioned 3 pound swings, I'll need to lose another 5 pounds or so. So the quest will continue until Santa Claus comes to town. Too bad my calendar is filled again this week. I know I could hit it by Friday. But, hey, life's too short. I'll get there when I get there.

Party on Garth!

JT

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Phew! A Tough Stretch Negotiated

I am back!

Was I out of town? Was I called away on a crucial business trip? Did I get lost in the woods? Was I kidnapped by an over zealous fat fan? The answers are .... No, no, no and no.

I was in town all right.  But I was sure off the Lap Band radar screen.

The last 10 days may have been the longest so far since I started my fat fight that I have been away from the comforts of my eating regiment. You see, I have been in golfer's paradise.  Ten straight days of chasing a little white ball all in the name of customer satisfaction and charity. Sure, golf is a fun filled getaway.  But 10 days in a row? Truth be told, it got to be a bit grueling.

I can hear all of you shouting "poor guy had to play golf for 10 days ....awwww". I'm not complaining. I would do it again next week if I had to. But I would not want to. I was completely exhausted by Saturday night.  But I learned a couple of valuable lessons during this past golf-a-thon.

The first thing I learned is that my new body is much more able to handle the physicality of walking, swinging and handling the heat than it was previously.  I don't think the formerly fat Johnny could have done it. I might have died from overexertion, heat exhaustion, or a bad case of thigh chaffing. Yep, I was ready for this. I handled it probably better than most men my age. Between walking and riding, I still managed to put close to 40 miles on my petite feet.

The next thing I learned is of equal importance. I learned that I could be away from my home base in the fat bunker and eat like a normal person and not have a devastating weight gain. When I say eat normal, I mean normal for a guy watching his weight. I made the best food choices available to me at every meal. Cheeseburgers with all the trimmins' on a sesame bun? No. A hamburger patty with a slice of cheese, a little onion and tomato topped with low calorie mustard? Bring it on! Pasta salad...nope. Cookies ... nope. Heat beating ice cream ... unfortunately not.  I opted for a fresh fruit smoothie.  With just a touch of rum.

The week-plus adventure did have a shocking scale moment. I actually panicked one morning when my scale showed I had a 4 pound swing upward. I was shocked.  It had to be the  alcohol forcing my body to take on water like a ship with a hole in the hull. So Sunday came and I started drinking more water. It worked. I'm glad to say that this morning I weighed in at 172.5.  A loss of a pound through this period and a mere 3 pounds from the 160's. Victory.

I guess the other thing I learned is that when I retire I can't play golf everyday like I have always dreamed of doing.  I'll need another hobby to occupy my off days.  Fishing? Maybe. Jogging? Doubtful.

See ya next time.

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

The 3 Pound Swing

Hello again fat fans.  It's time for another quick update from the fat bunker.

Let's get this out of the way FIRST.  No, I did not hit my goal. I am still 3-5 pounds away from my holy grail. That's what brings me to today's topic: The 3 pound swing.

You probably were puzzled when I told you I was 3 to 5 pounds away from goal. How can that be you wonder. The reason is the 3 pound swing. Every morning when I hit my fancy FitBit scale and await my daily dose of euphoria or disappointment, I am faced with numbers that don't make sense. One morning I am at 172.5, just 3 pounds shy of this dieter's ecstasy, the next marooning I'm at 175. Another 6 pounds to go. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my fluctuations of flab.

The most frustrating feelings hit me during the morning weigh in following a day when I stuck to the script. Meaning I stayed within my 1200-1400 calories, did my exercises, drank my fluids AND still show a gain.  That really frosts my privates. Being a typical man, I am always looking for instant gratification. It is bad enough not to lose any weight when I'm a good boy, but it's really a downer to show a gain.  What's a guy to do?

There is one thing I know for sure. If I stray off the plan with a few cocktails and a couple of meals out over the weekend, I am guaranteed to show the full 3 pound swing on Monday morning. It doesn't matter that I walked 10 miles and made good food choices.  If I have those cocktails, I'm in for a rude awaking on the Monday morning weigh in.  I know now why my weight loss muse, LapBand Girl, only weighs in on Fridays. Once I get to the promised land that's what I'm gonna do too. Weigh in one day a week on Friday.

Because of the 3 pound swing, us fat fighters need to remember that you goal really isn't your goal. Our real goal needs to be at least 5 pounds under our original goal. We need to plan for the swings. There is no avoiding them for any weight maintenance endeavor. So fat fighters... GO LOW!

Summer's full bloom and my constant plateauing, have made the last month a little tough to bare. I sneaked down to 2.5 pounds away and bounced back to 5 pounds away. I'll keep working out and walking and watching what goes in to my big trap and keep hoping for a breakthrough.  When I hit that magic number, ya'll will be the first to know. After my neighbors of course.  They will have to put up with the early morning hooping and hollering.

More to come.

J

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

T Minus 3.5 and Counting

Greetings and salutations to all from the fat bunker.

My journey to rid my body of oodles of excess blubber and reduce my ass to normal size is entering the home stretch. My fancy FitBit scale told me I am only 3.5 pounds of my original goal of 169 pounds! This is FACT, not FATasy. In an average run-of-the-mill life, I could knock this out in a month.  I could hit the 169 by Independence Day. But mine is not a typical life.

While the finish line is definitely in sight, the final passage is fraught with obstacles. We are, of course, speaking of my challenging social life. My goal would be much more attainable if I sat at home, counted my calories and did my workouts. But life calls! After a brutal winter and harsh spring, it's time to get out and enjoy the few months of nice weather we get in these parts. That means dining out, hanging with  ultra thin foodies and doing the dance with Al C. Hall at least a few times a week.  Throw in the fact that I have guests coming in from out of town for a 4 day golf and food bacchanalia in the middle of the month, my challenges are enormous. Maybe I should just strive to achieve no weight gain during this period instead of focusing on a loss. Or maybe I just keep doing what I'm doing and let the chips fall.

Although I have greatly changed my lifestyle as far as food and drinking are concerned, I still imbibe things that I know will impede my weight loss. I always try and make the best food choices that are available to me at the time. Unfortunately, the prevailing host or chef does not always consider that a struggling fatass may be partaking of the provided fare. So great food choices are not always an option.  Sometimes you gotta go with the best of the worst. Case in point.  Last weekend I was at an outing.  I hadn't eaten all day, I was starving. A buffet was offered with greasy burgers, brats and some type of fried chicken. But then I saw a little station right around the corner serving fish tacos. I woofed down a couple of those to try and keep with the plan. It would have been easy to grab a bun and slimy cheeseburger (and God knows I wanted one!). But the fish tacos did the trick.  Not 100% on the plan, but passable in a pinch. That worked this time.

When I am out of fat bunker, I constantly have to make the right choices when it comes to any food or drink. Constantly. Did I say always? This all goes back to what we talked about before. Our food culture.  Everything grown ups do usually ends up with a barbecue, dinner out, beers, drinks or a pizza.  Just not a good place for a struggling fatass to be. But, hey, life happens! So I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna eat the right stuff when I can and I'm definitely gonna have a few adult beverages here and there. I may be eating a piece of salmon and a salad accompanied by a light white wine, but you will all know that I will be lusting for a greasy cheeseburger, fries and jumbo Margarita. With salt. Let's just keep this our little secret.

Until next time,
Johnny

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!