Lap Band 101 -

Monday, April 1, 2013

New Readers!  Start with the first post. I wouldn't want you to miss anything!

Note to readers:

I have decided to start dating each new post so we can all follow along on the progress in real time. After all, we are counting down the days to the official start of my deconstruction.

It's really good to know that I have so many readers and supporters out there.  We have reached over 1000 views in a very short time. We've accomplished this with no advertising other than FB and good ol' word of mouth. We actually have readers in the UK, China, Canada, Italy, Germany, Poland and 1 lonely fat ass in St. Maarten!

This "Johhnyhisteria" that is sweeping the globe has prompted tons of questions from readers, family and friends. Some real good questions that I haven't even thought to ask myself.  So if you have a question or comment .. bring it on!

I wanted to take a little time today and explain exactly how this Lap Band contraption works.  I get more questions on this than about anything else. It's made me realize that I have done a piss poor job in actually explaining the whole process to you.  So here goes. And remember, I'm not a doctor.  Please also remember that I have the attention span of a gnat and get almost all my information from Dr. Google.

Let's start with the actual Lap Band device itself. (Picture below)

You can see from the picture, that the device basically consists of the actual band, connected to some tubing that runs down to an access port.  The access port looks a little like a Rolo candy, only wider on the top. I'm sure there is a better description, but, hey... I like those Rolo candies. How can you not? Luscious milk chocolate covering chewy caramels in handy bite size pieces. Yes, true works of art. Oops.. lost my train of thought.  Back to the lap band.

The system works this way.  The actual "band" is surgically inserted and wrapped around what they call the stoma.  That's the connector between the small stomach pouch and the big stomach pouch. The attached connecting tube runs down to the port.  The port is permanently attached somewhere on the abdomen. The port will be accessed by syringe in the future. By adding or extracting saline into the tube,  the band will either contract or expand thereby allowing more or less food in. That's pretty much it. The hard part in the future is getting the exact right amount of saline in the tube and getting that band at the exact diameter.  Everybody is different, so finding the sweet spot on the band could take up to 5 "fills".  Once the sweet spot is found, hunger is supposedly diminished and controllable.

The surgery itself is done using laparoscopic techniques.. Dr. X will drill 4 holes in my abdomen area. He will then insert some claw like tools, flip up my liver, squish in the device, wrap the band around the small stomach area, run the tube down along my big stomach and then sew the port onto my abdomen.  I'm told this will take less than an hour.  It's an outpatient procedure so I will be allowed to convalesce at home barring any unexpected issues.  I have also been told to expect to be pretty sore for a few days and not plan any strenuous activity.  That won't be a problem.

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Well that's the mechanics of the lab band as I understand them. Obviously, I'm nervous as a dog shittin' peach pits. It's not like Dr. X graduated on-line from the University of Phoenix.  He's a big shot surgeon who's done hundreds of these procedures working at a well respected facility.  What could go wrong?
Let's just skip that.

But I wonder .... Will there will be some type of deflation noise, like a tire leaking, once he pierces my skin? Or, what if it's really true what some people say ... that I'm full of a lot of hot air. If those folks are correct,  I may deflate down to 130 pounds and just call this whole thing off.

More soon!
jt

P.S. Cubs Win! Tied for 1st.