The Appoinment Call -

Now that I have mustered up the courage to call and make the appointment for "The Consultation", I am pretty much ready to get rocking with this idea and decide one way or another if this drastic step is the right option for me.  I need this consultation.  I have to clear my head and determine exactly what path I'm going to take here. And time is running out.  I am losing belt notches by the hour.

After doing some due diligence after my first call , I have determined that Dr. X is in my plan and that Mondays would be a better day for appointments. So I'm ready. I'm calling and I decided that I would spend the $500 even if my insurance company denies my claim.  I checked my schedule and the whole next week was open.  After all it's the holiday season. It's quiet here. I'll go get the consultation and if I like what I hear, I will schedule this for right after the new year. Plenty of time for a final fling.

I dialed. She answered. "Can I help you?"
"I would like to schedule a consultation with Dr. X please."
"Oh, OK. Have you inquired here before?"
Here we go again with the questions. This lady should work for the CIA.
"Nope. Sure haven't.  A friend told me about it." Oh ...what did I just say ....
"A friend, eh?" she spouts. Really? Are we going to do this again? I can just see her eyebrow cresting in disbelief.
"Yes, a friend. and SHE told me I needed to call Dr. X and he could see me on Monday."
BOO YAH! I knew that threw the pesky gatekeeper for a loop because we got right down to business.
"I have all next week open and can be there any time Monday." I said.

I heard a faint sound coming through the phone.  Was that a chuckle? Was that a chuckle combined with an inauditory smirk? Was the pesky gatekeeper scoffing at me?

"Hmmm. Next week doesn't work. We can see you January 21st. If that doesn't work for you, I have the last Monday in February."

Before I could think it through, I took the January 21st appointment. Over a month away.

"We will be sending you a folder with a questionnaire.  Please answer every question and fill out every page completely or the Dr. X won't see you. Be at your appointment 15 minutes early."

As much as I wanted to give her a "heil hitler", I quietly succumbed to her authority and muttered "yes ma'am." I hung the phone up and exhaled. The "meet" was set.

With over a month to wait, I decided to call my health care insurer, The Howdowenotpay Company. You know them.  Big national company. I think they have a commercials with lions eating their young during football games.  Remember?  The company with the vulture logo?

I was curious to see where they stand on this type of surgery so I called the Customer Care number.  Wow. that's really nice.  Customer Care. I'm a customer, so they must really care .  So after punching in 174 different numbers and slowly speaking into a voice response system, I was finally transferred to my "personal" heath care assistant, Rajeeve. Ahhh, modern medicine!

"Yeah, a, Rajeeve, I'm calling to check and see if a certain procedure I am entertaining would be covered by my plan." I stated matter of factly.
"You have PPO?"
"I got PPO, XYZ, and DO RE MI. I got it all Rajeeve. If they offer it, I buy it."
"Vhat you vant to know?"
"I am interested in possibly getting a gastric lap band procedure done."
"I am not knowing this. You have PPO?"
"Yeah. PPO. Rajeeve.  Do you cover this surgery?"
"Help you?"
"You got some kind of learning disability Rajeeve because you're not getting it here.  Come on focus. get in the conversation! Get connected Rajeeve I need you here man."
"This is Rajeeve. Help You?"
"Dude. You're killing me. Do You FREAKING cover gastric lap band surgery or not?"
"You have PPO?".

As I gently returned the phone to its cradle, I could only shake my head and think about how much better it will be when the government takes over our healthcare.

Check back for more!
jt