Back From The Abyss

Hello fat-natics! Are you ready for a doughy dose of fat ass fables? Well, ready or not, here it comes.

I say I am back from the abyss because you all know I made my yearly sojourn to Vegas to play in an awesome golf tournament. I had several goals I set early in this process to be ready for this trip. I hit them all. I was a 195 pounds when I got on the plane, I had a workable golf swing, I had a go to meal plan that I could tolerate and I readily accepted the company of my fiendish friends Al C. Hall and Vinny Vino. My plan came together and I made it home unscathed.

Last Friday I woke up in my own bed. It took me a day or so to shake the cob webs out of my head and emerge from the whiskey blizzard I was caught in for 5 days. According to plan, I imbibed in adult beverages. Many of them. You could say I drank like fish. That is if a fish lives in a bowl full of vodka and soda. With a splash of cranberry. But that would kill the fish. So I guess I didn't drink like a fish. I drank like a guy who has been dieting since the beginning of April. And I went all in. I can honestly say I do not remember drinking that much ever before. Unfortunately, I cant remember how much I drank before due to the fact I was drinking. Make sense? Does to me.

On the food front, I ate and I ate well. But I didn't totally go off the reservation. I went to Mastro's. I had a little lobster, a little crab and a little tuna. And of course a few glasses of nice Cabernet. I went to Gordan Ramsey's STEAK. What a place! I ordered the signature Beef Wellington. I had to try it. Perfectly done fillet, wrapped in prosciutto, pate, and mushroom mash engulfed by a heavenly pastry puff. It was the most delectable thing I have eaten in years. But, I only ate half and reluctantly shared the balance with my fellow dinners. Then there was STK, The Brassier and The Steak House at Aria. All of them tried in vain to make me order a steak the size of Shaq's gym shoe. But I did not. I ate almost all protein for breakfast, lunch and dinner for days. I watched my portions and steered clear of snacks and sweets. And my lap band cooperated by not refunding the devilish dishes or the evil tonics.

I know you're all waiting to hear the numbers. You just want to know if my ass grew. Here it is. I got on the plane at 195. Six days later I was 197. I got back on plan and I hit 194.5 this morning! So the news is beyond good for the Johnny diet train. My first trip was a success. I did everything the other normal guys did and kept my weight the same. There is hope for me yet.

I'm glad I only go to Vegas once a year. I'm getting too old to run with the young bucks and stay up all night. Can't do it anymore. In fact, I think I enjoy spending time in the hotel spas more than I do at the tables. I think I'll take in a show next time. Maybe I can get David Copperfield to make the rest of my ass disappear.

On to new goals! 186 by November 27. The day before Thanksgiving!

Ba-bye!

Johnny T.