File Under Good Problem to Have

Welcome back!

Let's start off with a brief blog update. We are rapidly approaching the 20,000 visitor mark. To put that in to perspective, that's almost a full house at Chicago's United Center. I never imagined that my foibles with fat would draw the interest of anyone outside my family and closest friends. But here I sit, just over one year into this jiggly jaunt with readers from all over the globe! It seems that large boned and pleasing plump folks the world over share the same enthusiasm for a good old fashioned fat ass fairy tale.

I thought it was also interesting that my number 2 fans, The Latvians, have been replaced as of late by the Chinese. Perhaps our lardy Latvian friends are preoccupied with the Russian troops amassing on their border. And maybe the chunky Chinese have finally discovered the internet. Just wondering.

Unfortunately, I have little to report on weight loss front. I think I'm down about a quarter of a pound since our last visit. I can't even say that for sure because I am prone to daily fluctuations of 1-3 pounds. This plateauing is tough to deal with. But it's part of the process and I have grown to be more patient with it. Well, a little bit anyway.  My commitment to stay the course for the remainder of 2014 has taken the pressure off me a bit. I no longer expect daily down numbers and I haven't attempted to fling my scale recently.  So I guess we can call this emotional progress.

Undaunted by my lack of weight loss, I have continued my commitment to after work anti-couch activities. These include moderate cardio exercise and strength conditioning. I'm trying to do some activity at least 5 days a week. Mind you, this is by no means Olympic type training,. But it works for me. The good news is it's paying off. I have noticed that my newer, thinner Level 1 wardrobe purchased since last fall is starting to hang loosely on me.  My new jeans. My new cheap Docker slacks. My new dress shirts.  My new golf shirts. It's like deja vu all over again. I'm in another struggle with my wardrobe.

Even though I have smartened up and only buy clothing that is on sale, it is still a very expensive endeavor to replenish a full wardrobe. Now I am doing it for the second and third time. If there is one thing I underestimated when I started this project, it would be the clothing thing. I knew there would be clothing expenses. I just didn't realize the pure volume of clothes it takes to drape a man's body for winter, spring and summer. Then there's business, casual and golf. Not to mention pajamas and other unmentionables. Everything down to my socks has to be replaced.

I have a real aversion to shopping. In fact, I hate it.  Not to mention all the tailoring that goes along with the new clothes. Very time consuming and boring. Plus, I hate pissing away cash on clothes that may only last me through the summer. I know I'm whining. I guess it beats dealing with my old haberdasher, Omar the Tent Maker.  So let's file this under good problems to have.

I'm seeing the good Dr. X Monday for another follow up. I'll report back to you then.

Au revoir!

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

It's a Slow News Day

Hello all.

I haven't been back to ya'll for a while because, well, I really haven't got much to report. A couple weeks ago I announced to the world that I was 10 paltry pounds away from my original goal of 169. However, I have had a little movement. After plateauing yet again, I sit here today down another 1-1/2 pounds. That puts me 8-1/2 pounds away kids. Painfully close ... yet so far away. These last few pounds are falling off at a glacial pace.  Which means really, really slow!

I had hoped I would  get to that magical number by May 15. But that ain't going to happen. My body is fighting me to keep it's precious blubber. I think my brain really misses my ass and is no hurry to detach itself from my remaining flab.  This new body thing is quite shocking for all of us. All of us meaning my brain and all the different voices living in there. It is very hard to adjust to the radical changes I have made in my life. Healthier eating habits, exercise and severely limiting my social booze intake. My liver is probably the happiest. In fact, it notified me it wanted to have a small get together with a few of my other organs to celebrate their new lease on life. I would invite you but it will be a lame party.  Mr. Liver, Mr. Pancreas and their cohorts are strictly teetotalers. They are also not much into lively conversation.

As told to you before, I have decided to just keep doing what I'm doing all through the end of the year. Stay around 1200-1400 calories a day, moderate exercise routine and limited social drinking.  I suppose I could try some type of radical cleanse diet and make that May 15th date.  But what will that accomplish? I am losing weight the right way. Slow and steady.  I think I should stay the course. My metabolic system is so shocked now, I don't think it can handle another curve ball.

The other side of that debate is that maybe I should try and fool my body and give myself a good kick in the butt to get my metabolism started again. Kinda like when they tell you to change your weight lifting routine to confuse your muscles. I don't know. Seems complicated to me. I'm the only fool that will end up being confused. And still at the same weight. So it could be an exercise in futility.

I am quickly coming to the realization that these last pounds are going to be a bee-atch to lose. I'm really not in a hurry. But I am impatient. I guess that's a bit of a contradiction. But it is what it is. I want to get to that goal and I want to do it now. But I can wait.

I'll hit ya back soon!

JT

T Minus 10 and Counting

Hellooo fellow fat fighters! Welcome back to my warped world of wobble. It's true I don't see things the way the most people do. Some call it weird. Some call it inappropriate. Some like it. Some don't. But I call it the way I see it. Through my own pair of kaleidoscopic glasses. If you're a liker, read on for more of my magical mushroom musings. If you're a hater, stick around anyway. I might publicly embarrass myself. Again.

Anyhoo .... Let's start with a few facts for newer readers. This can also refresh the jellies that my loyal readers call brains. Hey, if you're hanging around this blog, your power of cognitive thinking is probably lacking that of a confused hamster. Or you obviously don't have anything better to do. Either way, Let's all assume that the overall retention rate of my readers is, well ... what were we talking about? Oh, yeah .. right. A little recap.
Here ya' go.

December 2012 - Couldn't fit my fat ass in a plane seat. Almost needed the belt extender. Realized I had a weight problem.
January 2013 - Had my 1st consultation for Lap Band surgery. Was hoping to get it done in a week.
February / March 2013 - Saw doctors and shrink. Had Farewell to Food Tour. Fought insurance company.
April 8, 2013 - Level 3 pants explode. Started emergency diet. Fought with insurance company.
May 15, 2013 - Had Lap Band surgery
May 16, 2013 - Started new life.

Last April 8th, I hit the scale at 254.5 pounds. This may not sound like a whole lot to some with similar struggles. But I am of smaller stature. This weight put my BMI at 43! I was a short biggun! Had there been a remake of the Wizard of OZ, I would have gotten the Mayor of Munchinville part hands down! However, since there was no hope of a munchkin comeback, I knew I had to get started, regardless of my doctor's or insurance company's schedules.

My emergency diet worked. My Lap Band is working. My new lifestyle is working. It's all coming together. I set a goal for myself of 169 pounds. Today's scale visit shouted 179 pounds. I am 10 pounds away from my original goal. If I can lose about 1 pound a week, that will put me at goal right around my Bandiversary on May 15. That would be Mission Accomplished.

As awesome as it will be to hit that goal, that is not my current mindset. First of all, if my goal is 169, I damn well better get down to 165. All dieters know that there will be upward fluctuations upon return to a normal food life. I certainly don't want to get all giddy at 169, have a party and wake up the next day at 173. That would be muy depressing. So for what it's worth, I have decided to play this thing out for the rest of the year. I am going to continue doing what I am doing as far as food, drink and exercise and let the chips fall where they may. If I get down to the 150s by then, maybe Santa will bring me a new wardrobe.

Via Con Dios!
Johnny T

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Stop by my blog:
TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com 

Did I Fall Off the Wagon?

Hi all!

I'm back from my 8 day retreat in the valley of the sun! After suffering through a BRUTAL Chicago winter, I was excited and relieved to get out of town for a LOT of rest and relation. Notice I did not say a little r & r. Nope. Other than checking with the office a few times during the week, I focused on nuthin' but sun, golf and partying.

I was freaking out about my weight before I left on this trip. I had tried like heck to break the 180 barrier before I got on the plane. That didn't work out. I left about 2.5 pounds over that mini goal. Well, this made me freak even more during my vacation. I knew there was no way I could follow my plan. Everyday was filled with nice breakfasts, wonderful lunches, outstanding dinners and, of course, adult beverages of every variety. I was in trouble.

Instead of throwing in the towel and going on an eating and drinking binge, I decided to go with the flow. But ... I was smart about it. I used smart food choices all week. I really limited any breads, potatoes and pastas. I ate fish as much as possible, even in the fancy steak joints. I steered pretty clear of sweets and deserts. I ate protein bars and SkinnyPop for snacks when available. I tried to make sure I ate something healthy about every 3 hours. I walked as much as I could. Even the seven rounds of golf I played using a cart, still required me to walk about 3.5 miles each round.

This brings us to the adult beverage portion of our story. Did I abstain from beer, vodka and wine? Hell no. I was on vacation with a bunch of adults. It's part of the deal. It's part of enjoying life. Did I over do it? Hell no. I had 2 beers during the week. I've been hankering for a frosty Corona with a lime for months. So I had a couple. I had a few vodkas and soda every day. No sugary juices or mixes. I had a few glasses of fine wine during the week. So, yes I imbibed. But no, I did not drink like a sailor on a three day leave.

I got on the plane coming home resigned to the fact that I would probably hit 185 on the scale on Monday morning. Anything over that would piss me off. I didn't want to start my week back to work in a bad mood, so I decided to not weigh in for a week. This would give me time to lose those vacation pounds and ease my fat fears. But, I couldn't do it. I had to know. I pulled out my fancy fitbit scale this morning and jumped on. Ready for a deserved kick in the nuts. Imagine my surprise when my friendly fitbit scale told me I weighed 181. 3! Less than when I left. This is a SCALE victory.

My fancy fitbit scale gave me more than just good news on my weight. It showed me that I can go on a vacation and enjoy myself like a normal thin person. It gave me a glimpse into my future. Someday I will move to the maintenance side of this project. And this is will be my life. As long as I make healthy food choices, drink moderately and stay active, I can maintain. This is what normal people do. And that's what this whole journey has been about. Being normal. BTW, is it normal to crave margaritas? I'll have to ask a skinny person.

See ya soon.
jt

Fat Fanatics! Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog! 

Hey Doc! Make Up Your Mind

Greetings again fellow fat fighters.

Here's another update for you to chew on. I visited Dr. X this past Monday.  In short, I left the Center for Fat-ass-i-ness more confused than I have been since my surgery. I'll get to that in a minute. First, let's take a look a the numbers.

The doc was running late so I sat in the waiting area for an hour. I was remarkably calm considering my inbred flaw of impatience. Plus, I didn't want to get my blood pressure boiling and fail my impending BP check. Finally, the massive doors swung opened and a new nurse summoned me in. She has me sit down and proceeds to tell me she's a little "new".  First thing she does is take my BP.  After fumbling around with the armband thingy, she pumps it up and takes the reading.

"165 over 115" she tells me.

Well, I just had my BP checked 3 days ago at my chiropractor and it was stellar.

"Ma'am", I say, "you gotta be doing something wrong.  If that's my BP you'd better call a crash cart right now!"

I think she was a little pissed that I made her do it again. Her problem, not mine. She re-fumbled with the armband thingy, pumped it up and then gave me the news.

"114 over 67. I must have missed something."

No shit Sherlock. I'm not a nurse nor do I play one on TV, but even I would know something was wrong there. She must have graduated from the Obamacare School of Medicine.

After the BP charade, we moved to the super sized fat ass scale. She recorded the kilogram weight and escorted me into the exam room to wait for Dr. X. After another 20 minute wait, he entered in his usual good mood. We kibitzed for a few minutes then when on to our business.

Weight loss since Feb. 3 ( 4 weeks) - a paltry 2 pounds. I guess I'll take it. I was gone for a week on a vodka binge and had a few other social commitments in between.  Dr. X is happy with it, me not so much. I made my next appoint for 6 weeks out. I told him I wanted to lose another 5 pounds by the end of April. I also shared with him my frustration with the plateauing I been experiencing weekly. He then gives me his insight which lead to my confusion.

"You've lost a LOT of weight.  The weight will be coming off slower now.Your BMI is now 31. Anything in the 20s is what we want. After that it's up to you where you want to be" he tells me.

I had to ask. "Wasn't it just last month you told me you wanted me to get to a BMI of 25 and weigh about 150 pounds?"

"It's up to you how far you want to go and what you think is best for you."

Wow.  Now it's up to me again.  I'll have to take some time to discern this new information.  My original goal was 169. Let me get there first and then we'll talk. I'm thinking my body will tell me when it's time to end the losing phase and move to the maintenance phase. I still gotta get rid of some of this midriff bulge I'm dealing with.  Then we can talk about maintenance. I can do maintenance. After all, it's just a diet with alcohol.

So long for now!
Johnny T

I'll be back to you in a couple of weeks. I'm off to the desert for some sun & golf. Of course I'll be eating out every day and enjoying my share of adult beverages. Here's hoping I can maintain my weight ... again.

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:
mccgolfer99@gmail.com
I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

Clothes Woes

Welcome back! It's time for more girthy grins from your formerly portly preacher. So let's get right into it and see what's happening in the world of Johnny.

Frankly, I'm dealing with another debacle.

Last week, I finally got around to finally moving my old suits into storage. Did I say finally? I have been slowly paring my old wardrobe from my closet.  It has not been easy. It's not the actual moving of clothes that's hard, it's the sorting of the clothes that's the killer. What to throw away and what to keep. It's a mess of epic proportions. After all, I am dealing with about 5 levels of clothing.

To clear it up for our new readers, a "level" of clothes is / was the particular items I had that fit me in various stages of rotundness. At my worst, I was busting out of my Level 3 wardrobe. That consisted of several pairs of slacks and a couple of over sized shirts. God forbid if I ever had to invoke Level 4 emergency protocols! That was just a moo moo and a pair of furry bunny slippers. The world was not ready for that.

As I have lost weight, I have moved rapidly through Level 2 (comfortable fitting FAT wardrobe), Level 1 (loose fitting fat wardrobe and some trousers and shirts from an old closet, circa 1995), a new transitional Level A wardrobe (some new clothes and a myriad of FAT clothes that were taken in), Level B wardrobe which consists of all new transitional clothes and some old shirts that have been severely altered.

Needless to say the the move downward through the levels requires me to set up shop in my closet and endlessly try on pants and shirts. Discarding the "absolutely don't fits", keeping the" fits OKs" and waffling on the "in-betweeners". Because this chore is not related to work, sports or sex, paying attention for any length of time is quite cumbersome. So after about an hour, I got bored and just keep the items I hadn't gotten to yet. This caused a little bit of a logjam. But I FINALLY got it done.

After last weeks wardrobe purge, my closet looks pretty empty. Now I have discovered I have only a handful of pants that fit, a few jeans and three Jos. A Banks Sunday go-to-meetin' outfits. I'm in trouble here! I may have to invoke reverse Level C emergency protocols, if I don't get some new trousers in a hurry! I have taken the new pants I bought back in November to Giovanni the "crack tailor" to get taken in. I call him the "crack tailor" because it seems like I am there every week with a fistful of cash to get my fix.  I hope these pantalones hold me for another month or so. I really don't want to buy new slacks because I am right on the edge of another downward move in the waist size. Giovanni hopes I continue the tailoring route. I also learned that even if your tailor tells you he can take 9 inches out of your waist, that doesn't mean  the pants are going to look right.  I may have started a new fashion trend ... 3 belt loops in the back about an inch apart from each other. We'll see if it catches on.

Truth be told, I made a few wardrobe mistakes along the way. First, I got way too many slacks, suits and sport coats altered after the first 30 pounds or so. My body was changing so fast that I never even had a chance to wear most of the items. Secondly, I took about 20 shirts in and had those taken in as well. Giovanni can take in the sides, but he can't redo the neck. So I ended up with a bunch of dress shirts with big necks. And the sport coats? He took in the sides, but he couldn't move the shoulders.  So I ended up looking like a character from Miami Vice. Big wide collars and shoulder pads. I had to say good bye.

I am just ranting about this because it's aggravating and time consuming. But we have to put this in the "good problem to have" column. Yup. It sure beats going the other way. I suppose it's rewarding to see the new clothes I bought in the fall hanging off me already. With another 25 pounds to go, I'm certain I'll being doing at least a couple more wardrobe purges. Only this time it won't be fancy custom suits made by my former haberdasher.  You know him? Omar the Tent Maker. If you go see him, tell him Johnny sent you. And also tell him I am no longer in need of his services.

SOOOO LOOONG FOR NOW!

JT

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!

A Goal in Sight

Trump Cup Flight Winners!

Hey there ...

Quick update on a few things.

I got on my fancy FitBit scale this morning.  I have officially lost the alcohol induced weight gain from my Florida trip plus a little bit more. As a matter of fact, my integrated FitBit app tells me I have 14.7 more pounds to lose to hit my goal of 169.

A couple thoughts on that 169. First, I must tell you that the weight is falling off at glacial speed. Which means very, very slow.  I am still really trying to stick to the plan that has brought me this far, but the results are far more frustrating than when I started this adventure. Sure, I get it. More ass, more weight loss. Less ass, less weight loss. Statistically speaking, a half pound loss of smaller ass is the percentage equal of a full pound loss of fat ass.  So I got that going for me. But I am not doing this to amuse some pudgy mathematician. I really don't give a rat's patooty about a percentage loss.  I'm in the game for poundage!

The excitement of hitting the home stretch to 169 has been tempered down quite a bit since Dr. X gave me the news back in December that he wants me to go for 150. If you remember, he also told me that we have another year and half to go. New goal date is May 15, 2015. Yes, this kind of took the wind out of my sails. I think I mentally took a breather and took my eye off the ball a bit.  Maybe that's why I have been hovering here at the 183ish level for a month or so. I need to get re-motivated.

First off, my travel schedule is definitely counterproductive to to maintaining a strict diet plan. Yes, I do really well choosing my food options. I choose healthy foods and reasonable portions. However, these healthy choices are the choices that people make when they are trying to maintain their weight.  Not the more restricted menu a weight cutter should be making.  It's not that easy when you're dining out for every meal for a week straight.  And then there is Al C Hall. There is no way that  more than several adult beverages a day is good for weight loss.  I know it  and you know it. But while I am on a precious vacation, I have to imbibe. Ya know, just to be polite. This is why I settle for maintaining my weight while I'm jet-setting.

So here I am. I'm under 15 pounds from my original goal. Working through a hectic travel schedule and trying to maintain my weight. That's not the plan. My plan was to be 169 by May 15, 2014, and I am gonna stick with that plan. That means I'm going to have to change a few things.

Honestly, I really need to get more active.  It's super hard to get motivated when you're ball deep in snow. Yeah, I'm using the treadmill a bit. And I hit the weights occasionally. But it's not enough and I know it. I enjoy walking on a beautiful summer day during a rousing round of golf. Working the treadmill and staring at the wall, not so much. Maybe I'll try the Shred that Lap Band Girl is always touting?  She is my muse. She is always reminding me of what it takes to get to your goal and maintain it.  Suffice to say, sitting on my backside is not in the equation.

That's it for now. Same goal - 169.  Same goal date May, 2014. Same plan? I'm going to have to think on this one. More activity is definitely on the schedule. And maybe I'll cut off one of my now thinner legs.

Buh Bye

JT

Fat Fanatics!  Email your comments and questions to:

mccgolfer99@gmail.com

I will answer all questions and, who knows, your pithy comments might make the blog!